Summer
Ok, I know we haven't had a proper one for a few years but I call that a blessing.

The simple fact is it's easier to get warm when you're too cold than it is to cool down when you're sweating like John Prescott walking up four flights of stairs. Jumper, mug of Bovril, open fire, glass of brandy, lovely; but what can you do when it's boiling?

Open a window about 1/10th the thickness of a human hair and you'll have swarms of big fuck off wasps and bluebottles rattling round your house until November. Switch on a fan and you just blow hot air straight into your face. Spend a fortune on fancy air conditioning and you just dry out your eyeballs before realising you won't even need to switch the thing on again for five years and then it'll break and the warranty will have run out two days before Michael Fish starts giving the weather forecast in gas marks.

You have to drag the head of your bed right under the window and have it open all night just to try and get a breath of fresh air with which to go to sleep on, then just as the temperature drops enough to let you drop off the bastard sun comes up...in the middle of the night.

Then you get the daytime which turns into full on sensory GBH. The air is permanently thick with the smell of incinerated pig and every chav in Christendom decides to worship that big, yellow glowy thing in the sky in the traditional manner, the playing of 'Ibiza Anthems vol 42,609' at full volume through open windows all day.

I could continue (and I will)

-Wimbledon fortnight - and the assorted fucknuttery that goes along with it.

-Festivals - Yay, your favourite artist is playing a show. Unfortunately you've got to pay hundreds of pounds for the privilege of seeing them play for 40 minutes from four miles away while surrounded by a bunch of Tarquins and Ruperts, drinking a warm, plastic glass of £6 Carling, with your bowels backed up to the back end of buggery, in the mud and in the fucking rain.

-Ale - Rather than a nice, dark, spicy, chewy winter ale you get that horrible, citrusy, gassy, pale-as-a-witches-tit nonsense that is a summer ale. Worse than that, it sells so well in the summer that they keep it on sale all year. Funny enough I don't really want a bottle of 'Summer Lightning' with my Christmas dinner.

-Cricket - Actually I love cricket, but summer is the time that I tend to spend £10 a day watching Glamorgan play cricket like the Keystone Cops. If there was no summer I wouldn't have to do this. Of course, I could just hope for Glamorgan to have a decent cricket team...but even in these days of global warming I think it's more realistic to wish for the year to switch straight from April into October.

-Grannies in sandals - put them away dear, please. The last time those things were even semi-presentable was when Hitler was still known as 'That nice man from Germany with the funny moustache'.

It's three months of hell every four years.
(Dai Napoleon, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:00, 3 replies)

You need
to move to Scotland, mate!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 8:35, closed)

Right with you on this
Sweaty balls alone are enough to put me off summer, but all the other things you mention are true too. To them I would add:

- the noise of flip-flops in inner cities. Just a big fucking no. In fact, I could write my own entry to this QOTW about flip-flops. I won't though, seeing as there's already 80000000000001 entries
- the inability to wear a jacket due to heat. I like jackets, they have many pockets for keeping useful things in like fags and wallets and travelcards
- the BO of over-hot obese public transport users
- lots of other things

Much prefer the colder months, when you get a toasty feeling of warmth. Although summer is better for drinking outside pubs
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 9:17, closed)

I hate the Summer months.
I'm a Winter chap.

I Ski. I Snowboard. I sit outside with a mug of hot chocolate and watch the snow come down.

I fucking love the cold. Crunching frost should greet every damned day.

But it doesn't.

And it's moving towards summer here :(
(Scritty Bakerman., Mon 19 Oct 2009, 4:25, closed)