The swines at Vodafone,
I'll get straight to it, Vodafone were sending me about 4-5 text messages a day trying to sell me various plans... after a few weeks I e-mailed them this:

Dear Vodafone people.

I am emailing you to thank you for your repeated inquiries regarding my mobile phone. However I am going to have to refuse your offers, as I already have a mobile phone contract that covers my needs perfectly. That’s why I chose that particular package. Whilst I am sure sending unsolicited texts selling mobiles is an honorable pastime, I am confused as to why you chose me to inundate with these adverts. You do not need to sell me anything, I already have a mobile phone, you sold it to me. You CHARGE me £25 every month for the service. However, seeing at harassing people with unsolicited offers is acceptable to you, I have compiled a list of items I think your may be interested in:

1987 Ford Fiesta: Black, 1.2L 120,000 miles, minor case of rust around wheel arches and door sills. Tartan seats, non runner, sold as seen £200 – there is a slight stain on the boot carpet, I’m not saying its blood exactly but you may want to give it a bit of a scrub.

A pair of work trousers I bought in a sale, black. Never worn, took them home to find that I am no longer a size 34, I was too embarrassed to take them back, which as I am sure you agree, is the same as tattooing “I’ve really let myself go” on ones forehead. £10

A “Fatboy Slim” album I bought solely on the basis of the song “weapon of choice” (Christopher Walken dances in the video, great video, you may not have seen it as you spend all your free time texting me adverts), however the rest of the album’s pretty rubbish. £2

Half a Batman DVD box set. £2.00 Bought for a tenner in Tesco’s. You can have Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. Because I will never watch them on account of three things, 1) Val Kilmer’s head is the same shape as a horses 2) Batman and Robin is garbage, the line “you’re not sending me to the cooler” makes me want to gouge out my eyes and stick ice picks in my ears 3) With these two classic DVD’s to watch, hopefully you won’t have the time to text me a never ending stream of adverts.

Let me know if any of these items appeals, if not, can you please stop texting me, unless you want me to come around to Vodafone towers and slap you around the head with an octopus. My mobile number is 010101010101

Thank you

Evilamnesiac

P.s. “Fone” is actually spelt Phone, I just thought I’d let you know before you put the typo on any letterheads, websites, handsets, adverts or as the name of a large publicly traded company. Because the other kids would laugh at you.

They never replied.
( evilamnesiac says fuck you Prince, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:13, 3 replies)

But did they quit texting?

(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:48, closed)

Yes!
Yes they did!
( evilamnesiac says fuck you Prince, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:39, closed)

They were probably too busy sending you unsolicited texts to read it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:04, closed)