I was tricked!
I once read a story on a popular website, by a mystery man, known only as Cheers. Or maybe his name was Legless? Who knows.

Anyway, the story had everything. A beginning, middle AND end. I laughed, I cried, I retched, and was satisfied with the hilarity of the story, and the Godlike status of the man who wrote it. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be him, or simply to bask in his gentle goodness.

Imagine my shock when I retold this story in the pub, when one of my friends told me he'd heard it before, and that it was an urban myth! He then proceded to go to his flat (which was just above the pub) and get a book called "The Best Urban Myths... Ever!", and pointed out how much of a gullible fool I was.

ACH!

Some of this is true...
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:09, 18 replies)

Surely
It's better to read an interesting and hilarious urban myth than a truthful pile of shite? Or is that just me?
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:15, closed)

Hmm....
That made me laugh.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:18, closed)

Go on then
Gobshite.

Find one, just ONE of my tales that has appeared elsewhere - especially urban myths. (Apart from the ones where I make it clear that it's a joke or not one of mine.....)

Bleh. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm a modern day Cassandra. Doomed to tell the truth but have no-one believe them.

So I'll end with:

"LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE..."

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:28, closed)

Despite
his spending most of his life online, I believe most stories (despite initial doubts). And some fictionalisation does often make for a better read...

So come up with something good yourself!

Legless is indeed married to Rodney Trotter.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:31, closed)

Was..
My son, was.

Or haven't you being keeping up with me? My ex-wife used to have asteroids named after her - generally the ones her gravity had captured and were orbiting her.

My current, however, is totally different. her chest looks like a dead-heat in a Zepplin race...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:35, closed)

Fantastic stuff,
although that means you're no longer Cassandra...

Well done with the new missus...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:38, closed)

Well...
I'm now in Oz, lovely hot weather, have a girl who adores me (and I, her) and life is good.

But I still, reading your (very fucking occasional blog) think you're a reincarnation of me when I was younger, Only I'm not dead yet so the maths gets fucked up.

Write more you lazy twat.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:45, closed)

I shall
do an update of 2-3 stories (plus b3ta entries this week - I've been a bit lazy recently!)

johnnyball.livejournal.com

for those who don't read it yet.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Oct 2007, 14:58, closed)

Read It..
But, I'll lay money on, that people will think that your me under another name.

Obviously rubbish of course. I'm much better looking than you. And I can hold my beer orifice.

"Is that a tit on your head? Does you head go allll the way to the top of that orificer?" are some of the comments I thought were smart and funny when I was a kid talking to plod. A good whack on the back of the legs with a truncheon soon showed me the error of my ways..

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 15:05, closed)

My favourite
is "Go and arrest some real criminals"

Never goes down well...

And I write with even more vivacity than you, and am nearly 20 years younger!

It's amazing how few people believe fact!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Oct 2007, 15:12, closed)

Ooooh...
As I said, only some of my original post was true. It made me chuckle to myself though, which happens with alarming frequency.

However, I couldn't resist the challenge, and tried to see if I could find any actual evidence that Legless occasionally made stuff up.

So far, this is all I've found, but I can only get to a computer for 5m at a time...

207.44.242.20/questions/familyholidays/

and

www.toytowngermany.com/lofi/index.php/t38535-950.html
(search for tractor)

bear an uncanny resemblance to each other... It is possible that they were posted by the same person, I suppose...
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 15:20, closed)

Ah..
I see what you're on about..

"Feb 6 2006, 2:21 pm
teacher asked the kids in school "class who can do the best farmyard impression?"

little laura stands up "moo moo" miss

"good girl"

little robert stands up "baa baa" miss

"good boy"

little helen stands up "grunt grunt" miss

"good girl"

little tommy from Somerset stands up and says

"GET OFF MY FUCKING TRACTOR"


But you missed the point of my story. True of course. My older sister used to do anything she possibly could to get me in the shit. The farmyard impressions joke has been around for donkeys. She just convinced me that it was a normal impression and I was dumb enough to believe her.


Somebody once said: "There are old jokes and there are new jokes - but there are very few new jokes...

Cheer (That, at least, is my own...)
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 16:11, closed)

Already put on as a reply to the last 'Anti-legless' rant
If he does make stuff up, he does a fucking better job of it than some people on these pages.

(You know who I'm talking about '50 jobs' LJ)

Legless doesn't need us to fight his battles for him...he might even be insulted...and he hasn't done me any favours, but there comes a time when I just get fucked off with people trying it on because they can't think of anything original or entertaining of their own.

*goes for lie down*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 18 Oct 2007, 17:16, closed)

whether any posts here are true or not,
I operate on the premise that every story posted in the qotw is true..... unless they are obviously a joke or another person outs the post as an urban legend (with link to the legend)..........I don't know if that makes me gullible or if it just makes the stories that much more interesting to believe they all really happened.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 19 Oct 2007, 1:31, closed)

Urban Legends come true
My dad once grabbed a dentist by the balls and said, "We're not going to hurt one another now, are we?"

And my vet found the end of a finger in not a Doberman's throat, but a Malinois' stomach.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 5:36, closed)

I don't care if it's true or not
As long as it's well-written, funny and relevant. And Legless is one of very few on here who tick all those boxes consistently. That's why his stuff is always voted to the top page.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 11:28, closed)

Wow...
I wasn't aware of the can of worms I would be opening with this... Personally, I couldn't care less whether they're true or not! They're pretty outlandish, and an easy target for a "Conned" QOTW reply.

Ah, but it could have been a clever double-bluff! I may have conned everyone, thus living up to the QOTW in a different, altogether more intellectual, way...

But I'm not smart or witty enough for that sort of nonsense.
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 14:40, closed)

Legless rocks!
i love his stories, true or not.
if you're there legless, write me more! (please) and if i didn't know you were happily together with a fellow lady b3tan (i'm right aren't i?) i'd offer to bribe you with pics of my tits.
(hippyjunkiescum, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 18:14, closed)