Krakow, Poland
Not really a crap hotel, but an experience none the less...

To set the scene...

We arrive in Krakow, 12 of us in the party, split across two hotels as we booked it last minute and couldn't all fit in one...

Six of us turn up to our hotel, already booked and paid for to find that there is no reservation. The only way they would accept that we'd booked a room was to use the internet in the reception area to log into my bank online and show them the money going out of my account into theirs.

The receptionist grudgingly gave us rooms (luckily they had some available) and we thought the worst of our weekend would be over... little did we know...

As is usual on any lads weekend, we spent the day drinking, and the night drinking more...

It's around 6am, the clubs are shutting and we've managed to commandeer a taxi back to the hotel...

The gates are locked... big fuck off iron things about eight feet high...

With no other option we decide on a military style approach, reminiscent of the storming of the Iranian Embassy in the 1980's...

Jackets and Jumpers are thrown over the top of the gate to prevent being spiked.

Two of us are crouched at the bottom of the gates, knees bent, hands clasped, ready to provide a platform for the daring duo who will first breach the defenses...

Operation Pole Vault begins...

Two of the party run at the gates and are hoisted up. Sitting astride the gates on the protective clothing, they assist the other four of us on to the other side by means of physical strength and pure luck...

It's going well, four of us are across, searching the grounds for equipment should we then need to break into the hotel. The giggling is being kept to a minimum and the SAS style rolls across the car park are obviously keeping us from being spotted by the imaginary guards and accompanying rottweilers.

Then, the unthinkable happens... The security lights come on. Like paedophiles caught masturbating at a swimming gala, everyone stops in their tracks.

An electronic whine is heard from somewhere, and the sound of footsteps. Everyone freezes in position as they await their inevitable discovery.

All of a sudden the massive gates start to open, two of my partners in crime still astride them, trying to maintain their balance and remain as unobtrusive as possible...

The hotel door opens and the receptionist from our earlier room booking debacle appears...

Trying to explain why there were four very excitable people spread around the carpark hidden under cars and in bushes, while another two were perched ontop of the moving gates was an experience in itself... Maybe they thought the Germans were invading again...

Needless to say we haven't been invited back...
(Nuclear Ninja like a radioactive Chuck Norris..., Fri 18 Jan 2008, 16:16, Reply)