Last week me and my mate decided we fancied a nice meal in the new wetherspoons in Exeter.
We decided on curry but they had run out of naan bread, which to be honest was its selling point, so after much deliberation we ordered fish and chips, thinking that it would be nice served up with some delectable tartar sauce.

About 20 minutes later our food came, it looked horrible. The chips were brown and soggy, the fish looked a bit weird and the peas, well they were just peas but there was probably something wrong with them. This would all have been alright, however, there was NO TARTAR SAUCE. Enraged, we consulted the waitress, who said that they had run out. But WHY were we not informed of this as we were the naan bread, which like the tartar sauce had been the main selling point of our chosen dish?!

We begrudgingly forced down the lifeless disappointment that was our food, it was not great. Then we started playing around with sachets of mayonnaise, seeing if we could pop them with karate chops. We couldn't, but then I worked out that if we worked as a team, with me rolling up half the sachet and my friend doing the chopping, we were far more likely to succeed. And so, on the second attempt, a glorious spew of thick mayonnaise sprayed out about 10 feet from our table, or so we thought...

Suddenly amidst our childish giggling we heard an angry voice from the other side of the pub. Now this is a big pub, a converted church, and this cry of anguish was coming from 40-50ft away. A disgruntled student was pointing at a white blob on his arm exclaiming "that's not funny." and "do you want your chewing gum back?"

Suddenly it dawned upon us, we had utterly miscalculated the power of this new weapon. As Robert Oppenheimer said when he built the world's first atomic bomb; "I have become the destroyer of worlds.". Half the pub was coated in specks of thick gooey mayonnaise. The sofas, the chairs, the tables, and yes, the locals. All leading back in a triangular fashion to our table.

We downed our wine and ran away giggling uncontrollably. That fucking showed THEM.
( Damien's Hearse, Fri 28 Apr 2006, 16:40, Reply)