Paper knob
Alcohol appears to be one of the prime instigators of truly cringeworthy moments. The following tale is no exception to this rule, and it's a personal reminder to never again consume alcoholic beverages in larger-than-average quantities:

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(Wavy lines deserve to die.)

A few years ago, a somewhat smaller and definately more teenage me accompanied a couple of friends on a night at the pub. After all, very few teenage boys can withstand the promise of alcohol and female company.

And indeed, a couple of hours later, most of us found ourselves with a beer in one hand, girly parts in the other, and a large number of glasses, contents ranging from empty to nearly full, sitting idly on the table. As the night came to an end, me and my lucky catch* decided on a meeting the following day at my house, as we both agreed our intoxicated selves would not be able to engage in any sexytime activities.

So we parted ways briefly, but my hormones were obviously not as patient as the rest of me. Back home, I decided on a good wank in the preperation of all the sex that was sure to be had the day after.

Being downright drunk, I managed to make a total mess of myself. Not wanting my future girlfriend** to find me in such a state, I got hold of a toilet paper roll and made my best effort to clean up myself, especially my soldier's helmet, which was now getting stickier by the second.

Happy with the effort I made in cleaning myself from my own immoral juices, I fell sound asleep, to wake up the next morning to the sound of my mother's voice, telling me I had a female visitor.

Carrying an extreme hangover, I slowly made my way downstairs, where I was greeted by a kiss from equally hungover Girlperson. After a drink and a snack, I returned to my bedroom, company following me up the stairs.

Back in my bed, kissing ensued. Followed by touching, more kissing, up until the moment of truth.

As she stripped herself from her panties, I unzipped my pants, and left it to her to remove my undies.

As she slowly pulled them down, an erect Obsidian Soldier anxiously jumped out, ready to invade the Ladybit Country lying before him...

Only to be met with a look of proper disgust, as the girl involved noticed crusting pieces of low quality toilet paper, attached to Obsidian's manhood due to the stickyness of dried-up lovejuice.


* At this age, we still lacked any form of respect towards the better half of humanity.

** From this moment, as you could very well guess, any chances at a relationship were reduced to absolute zero. In fact, we haven't seen or spoken to one another since.

(Obsidian, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:09, 4 replies)

oh, sweet jesus
you've just reminded me of the time my ex wanted a blowjob. he had little bits of pink bogroll stuck to his knob.
he didn't get anything that night.
*boke*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:21, closed)

yeah, but did she fuck you?

( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:54, closed)

*Invents CockWipes*
for that last-minute clean-up.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 19:10, closed)

A legend is born...
...and it was known as 'Cockfetti'.

Now, how do I send that to Roger's Profanisaurus?

By the way, I bet she'd eaten a macaroon with paper on the bottom. You should've pretended it was a French Fancy.
(kingnutter, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 19:00, closed)