Mr Bean on a bad day...
I used to live in St Albans many years ago. I'd done all the pubbing, clubbing and all that and having learnt to play a musical instrument many years previously I joined the local orchestra.

To be fair, I felt a bit out of place - seemingly 20 years younger than the next youngest person there. Of course, my youth meant waves of disapproval were directed at me - I was obviously untrustworthy, unreliable, typical of `young people today'.

Anyway - come the big concert in the middle of town...the one reviewed in the local paper, attended by the mayor and other worthies. Sellout performance in fact...probably round a 1000 people in the audience.

Of course, I was late getting there. Stuck in traffic. Cursing the traffic, cursing myself and knowing that everyone in the damn orchestra would have been justified in their lack of faith in me. I got there 2 minutes before the performance started. Luckily, I played an instrument which meant I could nip in round the back and get to my seat without too much fuss. Could I find the way in to the backstage area?

Could I fuck.

As I began to panic, I thought `No one will notice me notice me nipping up the stairs at the side' - straight up them, straight to my seat. Job done. It was quite dark and the audience were talking...i.e. Waiting for the conductor to...go up the stairs.

Yes. I got a round of applause by the entire audience as the spotlight was quite literally turned on me. I waved my arm in dismissal to indicate that I wasn't the conductor.

Just a sad case who was now hoping for a big crack in the stage to open up so I could hide in it.

Length? 2 1/2 hours long before I scuttled out, never to return again.
(Audax Victor, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 14:14, 1 reply)

St Albans!
Woo! This is all.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:12, closed)