Hello, I'm from British Gas. I'm here to read your meter...
That was my standard opening line to whoever answered the door I was stood at one summer.

Now this made for an interesting job... not only did I meet a massive cross section of society but I did so on their "home turf", plus they weren't expecting me so all sorts of states of unreadiness were found.

Some highlights if you like;

- "We've just had a gas bill, I don't want another one!"
"Well you'll be getting a bill anyway but if I read the meter it will at least be accurate instead of estimated".
"But I don't want a bill, you're not coming in."
"OK, I'll write it down as refused access then?" (For those in the know this is a black mark against your name in the eyes of the gas board!)


- Then there was the nutter... The door opened on a VERY hot summers day and there stood this lady about 60yrs old in a heavy winter coat and tea cosy hat.
"Are you here to take me to the hospital?"
"No, just to read the gas meter".
"Oh, because I think I'm supposed to go to the hospital".
My notes told me the meter was just inside the hallway and behind her I could see the small cupboard it was in. After gaining entry I then became alarmed by the fact that EVERY FUCKING INCH of wall was written on in various pens. The outpoured mental rantings of someone clearly not right in the noggin. It was like something from a hollywood film, total nut job.
After reading the meter I left sharpish, only to be pursued down the road as she called out "but we need to go to the hospital! The doctor will be cross if I'm not there!"


- Another favourite was I rang the doorbell and almost instantly the door opened to a man sitting on a small footstool in the hallway in a string vest and shorts literally polishing a shotgun.
From upstairs a lady called out "Who's at the fucking door!?"
"Some wanker from the council!" he replies, all the time staring right at me.
"No," I stammered back at him, "I'm the wanker from the gas board".
Luckily he found this amusing and let me in to read the meter... "Nice gun" I commented as I left.
"Yeah, I'm waiting for the man from the council." he replied.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:44, 5 replies)

So...
Was he able to open the door without getting up from the stool?

Cos that would've been fucking ace! (and scary)
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:00, closed)

*click*
hilarious! you should have stuck around to see what happened to the man from the council though.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:18, closed)

^^^Yes
Big open hallway about 2 metres or so wide with a welsh dresser type cabinet along the wall. He was sat next to that and leaning forward was able to just open the latch and let the door swing open.

Not sure what it is about the contrast of shotgun string vest nutter and the need to display those white plates with the pattern/landscape printed in blue on a knotty pine dresser.

Stuck with me as very surreal. Just glad I wasn't the council man who presumeably would be explaining something along the lines of why he couldn't build an extension or something.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:19, closed)

door knocking
i used to work for the electricity board doing RMCs , its beyond belief at times what goes on behind cloesd doors. Drug dealing pykies ? 20 cats pissing all over the place? sound familliar? have a click in sympathy
(welgar, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 8:21, closed)

^^^
I was very amused when one young lady wearing a nightie and dressing gown asked me if I'd "like to see her pussy"... My mouth hung open but before I could say anything she turned and picked up a kitten that was sleeping in the basket behind her!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 14:47, closed)