My dad the nutter
You know what makes me sad? All these stories from you lot about how great your dads are.

My dad destroyed 3 peoples childhood and affected us in such a way as to affect myself, my 2 siblings and my mum for the rest of our lives.

He is a hyper-intelligent scientist...and alcoholic. He doesn't really accept that he is an alcoholic but I remember he told us when I was about 7 that he was going to start making his own homebrew and that we were going to help him..and he's been drunk every evening since then for going on 37 years.

He demands things are done in certain ways and he'd go off on one if there was any mess. If we had an event at school or cub scouts that involved a change to our routine he'd point blank say no and we couldn't do it. To travel anywhere took weeks of planning and foul temper or if mum or I tried to decorate or change anything in the house he'd scream about the mess for days. We couldnt have toys or stuff around the home; it all had to be hidden away. My mum tells a story about when I was three I tipped over a pot of ink and my dad picked me up and rubbed my face in it and my face was blue for weeks.

He doesn't like going out to eat..infact he doesn't like food at all.
He's very thin and only eats 'nutritionally balanced food'. Mum has to cut it up because he wont use a knife.

He gets nasty drunk. He screams at the TV and at anyone who disagrees with him. He gets violent when he is drunk so for 13 years until I left home at 18 we'd lie in bed at night listening to him lay into my mum. We'd hide from him in the evenings but he'd force us to sit with him while he screamed at us and told us what little cunts we were. I wont bore you by going into the detail of every controlling, violent episode that we endured (actually I don't think I want to remember them properly)but growing up in that house was awful.

I've been away from home now for 20 odd years and 4 years ago I started to work in a college and mentored a student with aspergers syndrome. I had a bit of training and as I learned more I began to realise certain traits...

I really do think he has some form of aspergers. He himself had a tricky childhood with his mum dying during childbirth and had a number of aunties who reared him...how difficult would that be for someone with aspergers to move from household to household?

I asked mum to fill in a facebook 'how aspergers are you?' app. on his behalf..he got full marks!

So, now what do I do? Do I forgive and forget the hell that was our childhood? Do I bring this all up and see if he can change? (actually I don't think there's any point as now that we have all left home and he lives a quiet life of routine and meditation with mum he keeps himself to himself and is much better...until anyone comes home to visit and then he'll usually have some sort of drunken shouting episode at 1am)

So I'm gay, my sister doesnt want kids and my brother left home and barely has any contact with any of us...he has no kids either.

Coicidence?

I am sooooo jealous of you guys who can hug and chat to your dads and who had a great time growing up. Writing THAT sentence has made my eyes prick with wateryness.

length? 18 years of hell.

edit: OR? Am I just griping? On the scale of things am I lucky to have grown up in a middle class home and our troubles are no worse than those that everyone else has to put up with?
( spitsticker is not working on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 7:25, 8 replies)

heart-wrenching story!
I have all sorts of stresses and strains in my life and think things are hard. But when you strip it all down and look to the bare facts, I have a son who loves me and his mum, and two parents who love me and would do anything for me and my sister. We all have enough food on the table and warm homes. What more do you need?

Sometimes it takes a story like yours to make me realise how lucky I am
( --=| Daz |=-- has been masturbating over a picture of you since, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 8:03, closed)

Aspergers......
.....isn't an excuse, but it probably doesn't help either. I think if you're a cunt... then your a cunt despite whatever else might be affecting you?
I dunno how old you are, but the kids thing is similar for me. I had a pretty shitty younger childhood, with Cult involved parents and massive overarching discipline, and ran away from home aged 11. I vowed never to have kids, but do regret it now.
Take your time, think about it all, and remember... you are the decent person, that's what matters!
(verynaughtyboy, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 8:12, closed)

You sound like a decent person. Not only are you clearly not like your dad, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on how he was/is. So arguably you've got three wins right there.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:36, closed)

You're not griping.
Many people in your situation would have (and in fact have) snapped and stabbed the bastard. Well done for making it this far.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:51, closed)

You're definitely not griping.
Sounds like an awful thing to have to deal with when being brought up. Middle class or not!
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:12, closed)

I should like to give you a hug now.
*hug*
(ladydyani, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 16:52, closed)

Oooh you're all lovely people...my cockles have been warmed. All feelings of self pity have now been wrapped back up and reburied deep deep down. I feel better now.
( spitsticker is not working on, Sat 27 Nov 2010, 17:59, closed)

One thing I would say
is do not blame your sexuality on your upbringing. It's innate, not learnt, and not yours (or anyone else's) fault.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Mon 29 Nov 2010, 15:32, closed)