Dentists... all of them... in a queue
Because lady luck is an ugly cunt she tends to be a tad bitter, and occasionally wreaks havoc on the meek and helpless for idle kicks. When i was born i drew the short straw and ended up her victim de jour (correct spelling? ha! unlikely). The result being i was born with a 'cleft palette' or "Hairlip" as the more lovely people call it.

For those not in the know a cleft palette is, oddly enough, where the palette (roof of the mouth) is still in two halves, and hasn't joined in the middle whilst in the womb (hence 'cleft'). So my first visit to the dentist was the day i was born, with it going down-hill from there.

I spent the first year of my life with a couple of cm gap in my upper lip, and surgery twice. Then surgery every few years until i hit my teens, with the aim of slowly shuffling my teeth about in preparation for final surgery later (oh how i waited with gleeful baited breath).

As a teenager from about 13-16 i visited Manchester dental hospital once a MONTH for brace, adjustment, occasional recreational teeth pulling and general checkups... until they rolled out the big guns.

In the middle of my A-levels i was finally 'ready' to have the final ops. Which were to break by upper jaw away from the rest of my skull; remove chunks of bone from my hip and put the bone fragments in the newly created gap betwixt jaw and skull.

This had the bizarre effect of waking up from the anesthesia and having a newly shaped head. It took months to learn how to chew properly again, and various speech therapy sessions to learn how to speak properly again. I've forever been grateful that this coincided with desperately trying to lose my virginity.

All operations over, and it HAS been an improvement, not sure it was worth 18 years of pain though... and for some reason i still have wire retainers behind my teeth. apparently they "weren't worth taking out"... fair do's.

Such long term treatment meant quite an odd relationship with my dentist, i'd been with her since birth... and seen her go from trainee to UK's leading paediatric orthodontist (i'd like to think i taught her everything she knows :D)

No apologies for lack of hummus, or extreme length... after all b3ta is cheaper than therapy. ;)

(note: after all this i STILL never went emo... fuck knows what awe inspiring suffering they must have endured to be such miserable twunts :P)
( Shiodome has realised numbers in names aren't cool., Mon 6 Nov 2006, 0:58, Reply)