My friends mum
Ste's mum was mental. Everyone knew it. We used to call round for Ste - waving to him as he saw us coming up the drive from his bedroom window. We'd knock on the back door and she'd answer. "Ooh sorry Coke, Steve's not in. He's gone horseback riding" in all seriousness, she at that instant believed it. Ste would normally come down and gently tell her he was in, we'd look a bit embarrassed and come inside.

We'd go up to Ste's room, and his mum would knock on and look round the door - "boys, I've popped a pizza in the oven for you. I'm nipping out to the post office, go and help yourselves in 15 minutes".

We'd go downstairs when the time was up and open the oven door. Sometimes it would be a right mess. She would often put the pizza directly on to the oven shelves. Upside down.

One day she came home with a new pair of shoes for Ste to go to school in. Ste, being a 17 year old boy, usually had difficulty in wearing bright pink ballet shoes, best suited to an 8 year old girl. When this sort of thing happened, he normally quietly took them back and got a refund, replacing the money in his mums purse when she wasn't watching.

Ste's dad died when Ste was 22 and it was quietly devastating. His mum wasnt just a bit mental, she had early onset alzheimers and deteriorated quickly. She was eventually put in a home - Ste couldnt bring himself to clean her after she went to the toilet any more and realised he couldnt cope. The woman who ran the home said she had never seen a case quite as bad.

We went to visit her sometimes, and we'd walk her down the country lanes round the home, it was a lovely place. Most of the time she had no idea who Ste, or we were but sometimes she was more lucid. We always took carrots, because she liked to give them to horses in the field next door. They'd come over and she would stand, gobsmacked as the horses literally took the carrots from the palm of her hand. She wouldnt stop until all the carrots had gone.

One day whilst this was happening, a van pulled up, and the driver asked me for some directions. As I was explaining, Ste's mum came over and stood next to me staring at the driver. She watched him intently, then reached in her little bag and held out her palm, with a carrot resting on top, right under the van drivers nose. He looked confused. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

Ste's mum got annoyed and shoved the carrot forcefully right into his mouth.

We've never laughed so hard in our lives. Terrible really, but if you don't laugh, you'll go mental.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 22:46, 8 replies)

hahahahaha!
oh, how i'd love to have seen his face!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 23:01, closed)

This is sad.
And also funny.

And also sad.

Beautifully written, either way.
( kikilookeylikey, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 23:17, closed)

That's heartbreaking
but it sounds like you and Ste made the best out of it. Might as well laugh - what else can you do?
(lost, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 23:48, closed)

It's said
If you don't laugh, you'll cry...
*click*
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 1:56, closed)

Oh God.
I've got a grandmother in the later stages of alzheimers, and this is all so familiar.

Sad, but sweet too. You get click.
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Fri 31 Oct 2008, 2:10, closed)

my grandmother
is also in the latter stages of Alzheimer's.

It's her birthday tomorrow. She turns 80-something.

She doesn't remember anyone whatsoever - not even the son she sees every day
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 11:26, closed)

I feel guilty now.
I mean, that was mostly a sad story and then along came the carrot episode. Comedy gold.
(Big D, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 7:28, closed)

When I go nuts...
...I think I'll carry carrots too. What a touching and sad story. At least she sounded happy.Happy and batty sounds a nice way to be and my husband would agree that it's probably my state of mind most of the time!
(Woofie, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:12, closed)