In common with every second cove one meets now-a-days I have a peanut allergy.
A single nut could kill me. By following scientifically proven homeopathic principles I've discovered that a second peanut provides a perfect antidote to the first. I keep track by shouting POISON and CURE as each nut is ingested.

Over the years I've saved the NHS millions by using this simple technique, though I have been banned from every cinema in the county.

I am my own best doctor!
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Fri 17 May 2013, 8:07, 6 replies)

Peanut allergies are just Mother Nature's way of telling 'sufferers' that they should have been aborted.
See also: Asthma, gluten allergies, wheat allergies, milk allergies et al.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 17 May 2013, 8:20, closed)

I chortled.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 17 May 2013, 8:54, closed)

Genius.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 May 2013, 9:02, closed)

"though I have been banned from every cinema in the county"
lol
(McChinaman banned, Fri 17 May 2013, 9:31, closed)

I enjoyed reading this.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 17 May 2013, 10:20, closed)

If you were following homeopathic principles
wouldn't you alternate each peanut ("POISON") with a sip of water ("CURE") or maybe a watermelon ("I DON'T KNOW, IT SOUNDED BETTER IN MY HEAD")
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Fri 17 May 2013, 10:54, closed)