I once
ate a pure, red-hot habanero chili pepper on an almost empty stomach.

Cue immense cramps and rushing to the washroom to spatter the porcelain throne with copious amounts of, well, what felt like flaming bum spatter.

Luckily, my wife was well into her pregnancy and we'd recently stocked up on all the usual baby products, such as baby powder. The intense relief provided by such a simple product is a life saver!

Also, there's the time I was down at the local ranch when I noticed a very particular individual eyeing me up and down every time I got too close to his beloved animals. At first I though he was checking out my wife, but then I noticed he seemed to have an issue with both of us. It was by no means his ranch as we knew the owner but he seemed to be very agitated, almost possessive.

The whole situation was extremely unnerving as I could not tell if he was easily excitable or concealing a weapon in his trousers. I mentioned this to my wife and we decided it would be best to come back another day and we made our exit as hastily as possible.

I was surfing my local newspaper website shortly afterwards and noticed the police had released a sketch with a very detailed warning. Reading through it I went pale and got that cold sweat, empty stomach sensation you do when you think of a situation that could have gone much differently in a very horrific way. I haven't had to courage to bring it to my wife's attention even now, years later. They never found the man and the warning is still there.
(Turtlenuts, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:33, 15 replies)

OMG that is nasty!
( Vambo, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:36, closed)

That was really funny

( WormuIus, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:37, closed)

Sorry, I typed "funny"

( WormuIus, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:37, closed)

I meant to type "shit"

( WormuIus, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:37, closed)

This explains a lot.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:44, closed)

Why you dirty...

(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:39, closed)

Very well executed.








Just like you should be. Grr.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:43, closed)

Sigh...
I hadn't been got for years, now twice in 2 weeks. Sad times.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:47, closed)

Rofl.
ladies and gentlemens, we has been thoroughly had.

Touche sir.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:49, closed)

and this is why i read other replies before clicking on links

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 22:29, closed)

Damn...
Got...
( notmyrealname, Sun 22 Aug 2010, 16:13, closed)

CLICK
FUCKSOCKS
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 17:14, closed)

Magnificent bastard.

(Foxinsockssir, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 5:32, closed)

dammit!! Everytime i get caught by this, and whilst at work!
( MonkeyOfCode is your favourite waste of time, Wed 25 Aug 2010, 13:14, closed)

no narrow escape for me.
well played.

cunt.
(Singularity was tiny but amazingly dense on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 2:30, closed)