Once upon a time in Cambodia...
After a tour of South East Asia, our final leg was approaching. Three weeks of 24/7 Beer Lao and cramped buses were coming to an end. This was to be it. We had one more night in Cambodia and then it was off to Bangkok to catch a flight home. We did what all sensible boys do when on tour and decided that the most responsible way to spend our last night was to get absolutely twatted.

We found a nice (relatively) bar away from the main tourist area and proceeded to get the drinks in. The beer flowed. The spirits flowed. The fortified wines flowed. There may have even been a crème de menthe consumed at one point. That should tell you what kind of night it was.

Anyway. At about 4:30am my two esteemed drinking buddies decided that enough was enough and that it was time to hit the hay. I was in a deep political discussion about the state of the EU and it's future goals with a French lass (who looked alright from straight on but the nose was a length joke in itself). The boys decided that I was obviously "in there!" and that they would leave me to it... so off they slunk.

I carried on the discussion with the French girl until it became obvious even to me that I wasn't "in" and even if I was I'd be no use anyway. What I didn't realise is that the other two had disappeared without paying their share of the bill. Now, this wasn't the Kensington Royal club or anything like it, but it still added up to about £100. No problem. Out comes the credit card.

That wasn't the evil prank. The evil prank then came when I decided that a little revenge was in order.

Our bus left at 8something. So when I got back to the hostel I figured that the best way to hurt two suffering drunkards would be to sneak in in the dark, hide all the clocks and then scream blue murder. I ran around the room like the proverbial headless chicken shouting that it was 7:55 and that we had about 10 minutes to get our stuff together and get downstairs for the bus.

If you've never done this to your friends I can highly recommend it for personal amusement. They JUMPED out of bed, grabbed all the clothes, rice picker hats, flip-flops and other crap that they could lay their hands on, stuffed it all in their bags and legged it down the stairs. We ran out into the road just in time to see the 7 something bus pulling out on our journey. Glen, with a massive backpack, proceeds to chase the bus about 200yards down the road flapping his arms like a spastic-windmill competition entrant until the driver spots him and pulls over. The driver then tells Glen that he's a "fucking penis" and to "stop wasting his time!" as his ticket is not for this bus but the next one. At this point I just have to laugh. I may have laughed so hard a little pee came out. ahhh... the joy.

I guess it's not as evil as gluing anyone's eyes shut but if you'd asked Glen or Paul at the time, they would have told you I was the devil incarnate.

Length: all length with no real substance. Sorry.
(Bifta, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 14:51, Reply)