When I was in the special forces...
we were once dropped off a plane into the African Savannah with a few explosive materials, bows and arrows and told to survive for a week. So there we were, about ten of us, all greener than a spinach-fueled poo, all alone in the great outdoors. In a typical male display of bravado, we decided to pool our resources and kill the largest animal we possibly could. Elephants, rhinos and hippos were obviously out of the question, because they are too difficult to kill, and we couldn't find any giraffes.

So we decided that we'd try to kill a buffalo. The problem is, buffaloes are generally quite wary and almost impossible to get in a trap. So Jim, the troop's explosives expert, came up with a plan that involved putting a small amount of explosive on an arrow-head strapped to a long stick and hurling it like a javelin at a buffalo.

On drawing straws to decide who would be the unlucky sod who got to throw our jury-rigged explosive spear, yours truly drew the shortest one. So, having snuck up to a herd of buffalo quietly grazing, I threw the spear. Surprisingly, it flew unerringly and, on hitting the buffalo, promptly exploded.

The rest of the herd having scattered, we went in and retrieved what was left of the spear. The arrow-head had disappeared to fuck-knows-where, and what we were left with on removing the shaft was pointless-ex-speary-mince.

*POP*, please be gentle
(Bel Shamharoth has eight of everything, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:07, 3 replies)

Special Pansies
dropped off on that "Scottish Island" for a week of evasion.

First night killed a stag (bare handed), butchered it with some flint and buried the meat around the island.

Week later the SAS troop finally caught up in an abandoned farmhouse wearing the stag skin coat complete with antlers on head and a full belly.

It kind of went down hill from then though -the stark bollock naked bit and the female interogator. I must admit the magic mushrooms didn't help.

Pointless Army Experiment into what trained killers can get up to on remote scottish island. Quite a lot as it turned out. Hospitalised two of the ginger fuckers in the process.




*lie
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:16, closed)

Beats the spinach-fuelled poo
out of any of the other pun-based humous out there. Click!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:31, closed)

I was in the special forces too
Second man on the balcony at the Iranian Embassy, don't like to talk about it*.




* Lie
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 8:18, closed)