How to become a superhero by drinking cleaning products....
Have a delicious roasted pea, in the form of something I wrote on LJ four years ago:

Investigation into the effectiveness of Mr Muscle with The Power of Oranges^tm in battling cosmic villains.

New Mr Muscle has The Power of Oranges^tm.
I set out to discover what this means.

Firstly, we must learn more about oranges. A thorough web-search has revealed the average diameter of an orange - 7.5cm.
From this we are able to calculate the volume of said average orange using the formula v=4/3*pi*r^3
so v=1.33*3.14*3.75^3
therefore v=220.781249cm3
which we will round to 220.8 for the purposes of simplification in the subsequent calculations.

This allows us to estimate the weight of an average orange. As we know, 1 litre of water weighs 1kg. 1 litre is 1000cm3. An orange is largely water, so a 220.8cm3 orange will weigh roughly 220.8g. Again for simplification and because I'm not sure of the exact makeup of an orange, not to mention the fact that oranges are more ovoid than spherical, we will round this figure to 250g.

Now, The Power of Oranges^tm. What is it? I have racked my brain thinking of what this might be, and the most likely conclusion is that the colour orange has some intrinsic power. The best-known manifestation of this power is The Power of Ten Tigers^tm as used by Phantom off of Defenders of the Earth.
(Whether or not Phantom ever actually used the power of ten tigers, as we never saw more than seven superimposed over him while he summoned his power, is a question to be investigated at a later date.)

Another web-search tells me that the average weight of an adult male Bengal tiger is 220kg.
A tiger is only half orange however, so for this calculation we will use the figure 110kg, or 110,000g. We will assume that half of the power of a tiger is also derived from the black bits.
To find out how many oranges are equivalent to the orange half of the tiger we simply divide 110,000g (mass of orange half of tiger) by 250g (mass of average orange).
110,000/250=440
However as half of the power of a tiger is assumed to be derived from the black bits, to equal the power of an entire tiger we need to double this figure, and therefore 880 oranges are equivalent to one whole tiger.
Multiply this figure by ten to get the power of ten tigers:
880*10=8800
or 8800 oranges=1 Phantom.
so 1 orange=1.136*10^-4 Phantoms
=0.0001136Phantoms
=113.6microPhantoms

Next we investigate the price of Mr Muscle The Power of Oranges^tm cleaning products, and find that a 750ml bottle costs £1.57. I will calculate the power of this bottle financially rather volumetrically, to give the greatest possible power value.
In Safeway on my lunch break I discovered that the price of a single orange is 19p. Assuming that there is no profit margin whatsoever and that Mr Muscle has some method of extracting and concentrating The Power of Oranges(tm), each bottle may therefore contain up to (157/19) 8.263 oranges, giving a total power of (113.6*8.263) 938.6768microPhantoms, or (to 2sf) 0.94milliPhantoms.

Thus we are able to conclude that:
a) A cleaning product made from Phantoms at the same ratio would be 8800x(4sf) more effective than Mr Muscle with The Power of Oranges.
b) Eating 8800 oranges in a single sitting would allow you to absorb enough power to kick the shit out of Ming the Merciless.
c) It should be possible to achieve a similar effect through ingesting 1065 (8800/8.263 to 4sf) 750ml bottles of Mr Muscle with The Power of Oranges^tm cleaning solution, but this can not be endorsed by the author.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:40, 6 replies)

Hooray for engineers!
My maths tutor goes simarly funky stuff with us to teach such interesting subjects as differentiation.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 20:49, closed)

I think you have an error
Oranges are less dense than water, so I'd guess the average mass would be more like 200g.

*removes tongue from cheek*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:00, closed)

epic and very woo

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:23, closed)

Genius!
I'm looking forward to the next stage of the experiment, which I think should involve Barry Scott wrestling a tiger.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 9:41, closed)

You're mad
Get a clicky
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 29 Jul 2008, 12:12, closed)

Nice!
Now I need to figure out a way to rapidly consume 8800 oranges so I can do battle with Ming the Merciless.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:03, closed)