Have you been eating crisps in bed? Oh...
A couple of years ago, I was experiencing the joy of living in various houseshares, as was my then boyfriend, who was still a student. He came back after his long, studenty Easter holidays and I went round to visit for the evening.

His house wasn't too bad; the other tenants were friendly and it was generally quite tidy. The main problem with it was that it wasn't very well-sealed against the outdoor elements. Cold winds blew straight in, and small creatures made their way into the house. I once saw a fat juicy slug crawling towards the kettle on the kitchen worktop, which put me off my tea somewhat.

Mice outnumbered the human residents considerably, and on most nights after the lights went out, they'd start squeaking as they explored the room. You could catch a glimpse of them if you switched the light on during the night.

Anyway, on that evening we'd been lying on his bed, on top of the blankets, as we watched a film. It was time for bed. My boyfriend switched the light out as I removed my clothes and was the first to hop into the bed, in my underwear. I noticed the sheet felt somewhat gritty. It felt as though someone had been eating crisps in bed. I wriggled. There were crumbs seemingly over the entire bed. Suddenly, it dawned on me. I screamed involuntarily and leapt out of the bed. 'Turn the light on!' I yelped.

I looked at the exposed sheet. It was absolutely covered in mouse droppings. There were hundreds or perhaps even thousands of little hard black poos. I had been wallowing in mouse poo. I don't know why they decided to climb onto the bed and poo in it during the time they'd had freedom of the room.

Almost wordlessly, we got dressed and walked to my house, where I threw my clothes in the wash and jumped into the shower, scrubbing vigorously. It was a good while before I felt clean.
(Ovaltina, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 3:15, Reply)