Erm..
I don't want a song nor dance

but

it pains me that people will be upset

Take the Irish approach. Add song and dance to the plans until the upset is diluted out.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Thu 11 Apr 2013, 15:57, 1 reply)

Perhaps I stated that incorrectly, I don't want any lavish affairs, as such is the want of my family in these situations. Of course I want people to laugh, get pissed, but my family are always over the top and I don't like it. They waste money on stupid things, and I want simple. Selfish perhaps, but I want them to perhaps have a holiday, buy a new car, help my brother out with his new house, rather than wasting money on flowers and shti that I couldn't careless about.

I know people will not like it, but when I'm konked, remember me, but don't put a stupid financial burden on yourself.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 11 Apr 2013, 16:05, closed)

It's not about you
It's about them. If they feel that a bunch of flowers and a black suit will help them cope better, why try to deny them it? My own funeral instructions are "Do what you want with me, and have whatever sort of funeral you choose. I won't care."
(ubergeekian, Thu 11 Apr 2013, 16:55, closed)

Got a camcorder?
You could "host" your own service if someone can provide a DVD player and TV or projector on the day. Un-listed copy to YouTube (with the link given out on the day) optional.
( eXOBeX, Fri 12 Apr 2013, 2:01, closed)