Glastonbollox
Part 1 - Nice one matey!

Back in the day or 1993 if you prefer, my mate Erad had an old ambulance. A plan was hatched to get into the Glastonbury festival which involved:
tarting up said ambulance
a flashing blue light for the roof
siren noises
ambulance driver uniforms

So the ambulance was cleaned and buffed with T-Cut, windows blacked out, new go faster stripes applied. Magnetic flashing blue light was purchased from industrial suppliers. Speaker was placed under bonnet and wired to £1 special effects key-ring. Blue caps and pullovers were purchased from same industrial suppliers.

We were ready to go but how does this relate to money making? That was in the form of a massive stack of crates of the most piss-weak lager known to man purchased from Netto for the princely sum of 25p per can.

Worked like a dream, two in uniform in the front, another 5 hidden in the back. We drove in through the exit, light flashing, siren sounding pretty iffy but who's to question it? Security just waved us through. Found a nice quiet spot obscurred by some big traveller buses and the selling of the wank-beer could begin.

Sold out in no time, had to put the price up from £1 per can to £1.50. I remember one chap asking "is it any good?". "No it's piss" I replied. "I'll have 4 please" said he.

Great weekend spending our ill-gotten gains.

Part 2 - Bastards!

Tried the same trick again next year but made the mistake parking in an area that had to be cleared to erect a stage. Thrown out. Beer confiscated. Ambulance impounded costing £150 to get out which we didn't have so I phoned my girlfriend and her dad paid it, the shame.

The police interrogation was quite a laugh, lots of daft questions like "do you turn up at the scenes of accidents?". Yeah we're necrophilliacs. The Chief Super or whatever he was called said "If I see you again this weekend I'm going to shove you right up my arse", some West Country custom? "Can I have that in writing" I said. He went a slightly more purple shade of purple.

Happy daze.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 19:09, 5 replies)

Genius
"Speaker was placed under bonnet and wired to £1 special effects key-ring". Genius!
(lost, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 19:14, closed)

genius
My mate is an electrician and used to do up second hand motors, it was all his idea. The only idea on my part was to rip people off with crap beer
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 19:24, closed)

Clicks for
"If I see you again this weekend I'm going to shove you right up my arse"

God knows how I would have reacted if a copper had said that to me.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 20:03, closed)

This
deserves full marks for effort *click*
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 8:16, closed)

Winner
If there's any justice
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 1 Aug 2008, 11:02, closed)