Not parents, as such, but close relatives.
Fairly apt, actually, because a few nights ago I was looking through some old family photographs. My grandfather was an avid photographer, as was my dad – as a result there are many, MANY photos of my aunts, uncle, father, and grandparents scampering around, having a jolly old time. Up until the age of six, my life was fairly well documented in a series of well-taken black and white photos – along with the typical “birthday-party” and “look-at-my-daughter-she-can-play-the-piano” posed type, there are ones of me and my sister engrossed in T.V.; me doing homework with an expression of utter concentration on my face; eating cereal; doing the washing up. I’ve always been allowed to wear what I want, and when I was little it usually consisted of either Clarks or Doc Martens, teamed with Laura Ashley dresses and cardigans knitted by my grandmother. Which leads me back to the point that I was trying to make.

In these photos, my grandmother was beautiful. She was incredibly well-dressed – not in the formal sense, but her outfits were unique and really quite special. She was an avid craftswoman, and made countless nighties and dresses out of William Morris fabric or old Liberty prints. At the age I’m getting to (i.e. old enough to need to buy my own clothes) I’ve realized how useful it would be to be as good a seamstress as her. I’d also been nursing a desire to find some cats-eye glasses, and, lo and behold, there is my grandmother wearing such a pair. I think about the sort of things I’d like to wear and I see my grandmother – who I only really knew when she was dying from a dehabilitating illness – as the sort of person I’d love to be. This is a woman who had five children, lost her husband early and lived a full life, never losing heart. If I were to turn into my grandmother, I would be happy. She was so strong; and so beautiful.

As mentioned, there are a lot of photos of my three aunts, uncle and father. All my aunts are stunning. They have dark hair and huge eyes, and big grins. But the one that stands out most to me is the middle sister. In this particular album, she is around my age. She was not the most beautiful – that prize goes to the eldest – nor was she the most attractive – that was the younger. She had closely cropped hair, like mine, and she looked solemnly at the camera. Most of the handwritten captions (by my grandfather, with obligatory puns – it runs in the family, but that’s getting off the point) make reference to her being pensive, thoughtful, contemplative. She is the aunt I see myself most in.

This is the point where I mention there is quite a large problem of mental illness in my family. My father has suffered, I am suffering at the moment with similar problems, and we have the suspicion that both my grandparents had such illnesses too. But this aunt – the one I like the most in the pictures, the one I would imagine myself to be – went off to university, like I myself am about to, and had a mental breakdown. She developed schizophrenia and has not led a normal life since – understandably. And that terrifies me. That is what I dread most, as concerns “turning into your older relatives”. I had a phase where I was convinced I was developing it, to be told that worrying about developing it was a sure sign I HADN’T got it, which made me feel a bit better. But I do fear losing my mind. I fear losing the ability to live my life. It may be unlikely to so closely follow in my aunt’s footsteps, but the fear is there.

I’m sorry for lack of humour, and the tenuous link to the question. As for length, it’s my second time, I’m warming up a bit and can last a bit longer. But I’m sure I can perform even better ^_^
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 16:39, 4 replies)

Clicking *I like this*...
...seems inappropriate for a post such as this, but:

- *I like* the fact that you have got the guts to write something as heartfelt as this;

- *I like* the way you write; and (most importantly)

- *I like* the fact that you finished with a sex pun.

Sorry, but that's just the way it is. Hope university works out well for you
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 16:52, closed)

Cheers
I have a slightly more amusing one, which I might wheel out, but I don't want to rush. Anyway, I need time to recover between bouts before I go at it again.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:32, closed)

Always the sex pun at the end!
That's not a criticism - more of a request, if anything.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 17:49, closed)

Since you ask so nicely
I'll try and fit a sex pun in to everyone of my posts. In different positions though, because the same one just gets boring. So hopefully there should be puns in any place in any given post ^_^
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 19:25, closed)