Blacklisted by the Jehovah's Witnesses
My Grandma has some very strong beliefs (namely that an inch of bare table space is food space wasted, and a second of silence is a conversation wasted, but that's beside the point.) The beliefs here are churchy ones, and she (like my Grandad before he went a bit hippy dippy and decided on an eco burial in unconsecrated ground, but that's another story and has a severe lack of funnies) considers herself to be a staunch Church of England type. She is also unafraid of informing others of these beliefs.

Well, (wavy lines) a few years back I was a fair bit younger and was staying with a friend in a scenic Lincolnshire coastal resort at the house of the grandparental types. My Grandad, myself and said friend were wandering to the local shop. Given that Grandad had a rather pimp zimmer, this was going to take some time. Probably around half an hour to the shops, 20 minutes talking to the pension man, 45 minutes for a cup of tea and an egg butty in the cafe, half an hour back.

As we left, the nice men from the Jehovah's Witnesses were approaching the front door of my grandparents' flat (stopping only to give my fourteen year old self a leaflet with "look, cute pandas" on it).
"Good luck to them," chortles my Grandad, and away we meander to the shops.

Around two hours later we are wandering up the drive way and notice two pairs of sensible shoes outside the front door. At the time I may have made some remark about alien abductions (it was well in the X Files heyday), but the actual explanation was perhaps better. Grandma had one poor soul trapped under a plate of scones and tea, whilst the other was almost visibly backing towards the door. I don't know how the conversation had panned out before we got there, but all we caught was the following:

(Grandma) "Oooh, John, my son's name is John too."
(Poor trapped man) "Yes, yes, it is a common name isn't it?" (with a brave attempt at a smile)
(Grandma, with that withering disdain that only very small old ladies approaching 80 can pull off) "Well, JOHN, rather than think of it as common, I always try and think of it as one of the disciples, don't you? Maybe we should talk about this some more..."

Cue the two men noticing us lurking and visibly jumping for their shoes and the door. They've not been back since.

This is the same lady that bought herself a new ring as a diamond wedding present when my Grandad was to ill to get into town, and who last year, at the age of 83, went and organised her first passport so she can come and visit me in Germanland. She might drive us bonkers on occasion, but she's still rather wonderful.
(Picotee, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 19:12, 3 replies)

I once stitched up my mate Paul
by inviting the Jovey's in to his house and giving them a cup of tea, whilst he was getting showered and then telling them I had to get some biscuits from the kitchen.

I could hardly climb over the back garden wall I was laughing so hard.

I've not tried to out-God them for hours though, might give it a shot next time they come round with their creepoy black strangler gloves.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 19:42, closed)

My Grandma was blacklisted from Spain on the orders of General Franco
But that's another story.
( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Mon 6 Jun 2011, 20:48, closed)

My flat mate at uni thought it would be very funny to tell the Jehovah's Witnesses that he was too busy to talk
as he was sacrificing a goat to the devil.

Cue them coming back every day for ages in order to save his soul.
( Peej, Tue 7 Jun 2011, 10:05, closed)