How not to break the news to someone...
I've always been a bit of a performer in life; School plays, am-dram, all the really socially acceptable hobbies, until last year that is. I've been part of the northern burlesque scene for a couple of years as a photographer, taking photos of scantily-clad ladies shaking their tassels around the stage. After one particularly entertaining gig with a local circus group present, in exchange for some publicity photos I was offered the chance to learn firebreathing. With a battle-cry of "What the hell", I went for it, and things seemed to snowball from there...

I ended up learning more tricks over the next few weeks, and combining with my stage experience, I started performing for audiences, which my parents, although wary about initially, supported my little gigs. However, things started to change towards January; I'd been booked to perform at a burlesque night, and as I'd considered it beforehand, I decided that I'd combine my fireplay with getting my kit off. The result was...interesting; A dodgy step back up onto stage and a costume malfunction made things not exactly run smoothly (You can see the performance at www.youtube.com/watch?v=elrVTjWw7bE), but the audience loved it, and I loved that, so I stuck with it.

I failed to mention the stripping part to my parents.

Fast-forward to March, and another gig booked in, with a bit of publicity attached. Me and the organiser were whisked away to a well-known Yorkshire newspaper for a photoshoot and interview so we could get some more people interested before the event. I figure the story'll be buried somewhere on the entertainment page, under "Local nut-job sets fire to self", or something like that, so I didn't really worry about it. Cue a few days later when I open the paper, and what do I see?

My big gurning face plastered all over Page 3.

Needless to say, my parents decided that it was their day to buy this newspaper, and when I got back home that evening there were some interesting reactions. Bless them though, my parents are people of infinite patience, and after they got used to the idea they were happy with me performing.

Although I doubt they'll be showing up at any of my gigs any time soon.
(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 21:52, 6 replies)

If, at a later date, you wonder why people think you're a cunt,
"combining with my stage skills" is why.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 21:54, closed)

Fixed, if only to prevent the use of the phrase "mad skills" by anyone at a later date.

(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 22:01, closed)

Fine, but I'm not changing my opinion of you.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 22:36, closed)

Aren't you a bit saggy for a stripper, sorry, "Boylesque Dancer?"

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 7:15, closed)

what a fucking let down
when you see the words burlesque - you think boobies. You owe me 4 mins of life!
(Clit Ninja is having a white space party!, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 8:38, closed)

Burlesque= Stripping for fat uglies.

( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 12:27, closed)