Housemate wank drug death attempt
I got a phone call one evening from one of my housemates, J, saying he was sure that our other housemate Ahab (well, it's the first pseudonym I thought of, ok?) should have been going to work for his nightshift, his light was on, he hadn't been seen all day, and his door was locked and there was no response to all of J's banging.

Locked? The doors don't have locks... so I instruct J to just shoulder-barge the door until he either a) breaks it down or b) gets a response from Ahab.

Now, I knew that Ahab had been spending a lot of time and money on recreational drugs and drinking, and I just had this horrible image that the bastard had managed to kill himself in my house.

Luckily I get a call back from J five minutes later saying that although Ahab had barricaded himself in, and was clearly off his mash, he'd grunted a semi-coherent response and was in fact still alive.

I got back at the weekend, and J told Ahab to tell me what he'd told him. Apparently Ahab had drunk and smoked quite a lot, then popped a few magic beans and done some nosebag, and decided that he'd pull the chest of drawers across the door (so as not to be disturbed with a lack of lock) and spread his grot mags in a wide semi-circle, and have a really good, out-of-this-world, wank.

Unfortunately, he'd fallen into a deep slumber, and failed to make it into work, which is where J and I came in to the story.

"And tell him the rest" says J.

"Oh yeah" says Ahab "I woke up to find I'd puked down myself".

"Oh mate" I say, shaking my head.

"Yeah, and I pissed myself"

"That's really bad. Really bad" I say, thinking in that state, he's lucky to be alive and not to have choked on his own vomit.

"I know, I know" he says "I could've easily shit myself an' all."
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 15:51, 2 replies)

I'm going to give that a click
Just for the subject line. "Housemate wank drug death attempt." I love it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 17:51, closed)

it was me
i am typing this from the same room. My piss smelt of death, it was a close thing. Now I don't get shitfacedwankered together anymore.
(thetourle thetourle, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 12:44, closed)