Fun but scary housemate
When I was living in Greece, I met this bloke in an ex-pat bar I used to drink (To excess) in. Huge guy, bodybuilder, 17 stone of muscle, 6ft8 or so. Tatoos everywhere, up his neck, back of his hands and so on. And some pretty serious scars on his neck. We got pissed, and got on like a house on fire. I promptly offered him a place in my flat. Oh my God, the guy was such a liability, but hilarious at the same time. He crashed my motorbike, when riding it home from the pub. Hit a skip, straight on. I wasn't upset, as I was on the back, and landed on him. We used to go drinking in the roughest bars down in the harbour, and get into fights, winding up the locals. He had gotten his tattoos in prison, and he explained to me how they made their own tattoo-pens. I thought I'd try to make one, but BETTER, and one day, I came home from work and found him, tattooing the local, heavily medicated, nutcase. He wanted to try the tattoo-pen out, and he said he was impressed with it. He had tattooed a huge swastica, quite wonkily, on this guys shoulder. We used to go to the gym together, and with his help, I put on a fair bit of muscle. He got in to fights, and once his hand swelled up like a baloon. He got the doctor that came for a couple of pints every lunchtime in our pub to have a look at it. The doctor pulled a tooth out of his hand.
He knocked his elbow in another scuffle, and for weeks afterwards, I had to syringe fluid out of it. He used to make me dinner, allways pasta, with tuna and sweetcorn. Good, but a bit monotonous. He claimed it was good for building muscle. He would come back late at night, with large lumps of compressed cheap Albanian grass, and we'd smoke as much as we could, just to see how stoned it was possible to get. And we'd try to drink the various bars dry. With some success. Fun days. I miss him.
(Lump, Thu 26 Feb 2009, 17:20, 1 reply)

I kept expecting a punchline
Like "Signed R. Duke" or something, but the fact that it isn't a joke makes the story even better!
(Helixdaunting, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 1:43, closed)