It’s ok Robert it’s just us...
Allow me to introduce you to Cormac, 30 odd and from Meath, works in IT.* I lived with him in a shared flat in Dublin some years ago.

Cormac was living in Ireland and England working on a contract which was according to him making him millions of pounds/euros. He was constantly going on about how much money he was making. He was the only person I ever met who said ‘I work hard, and I play hard’... oh even writing that sentence makes me grimace, twat!

He bought a microwave to nuke the 14 chicken breasts that he used to eat every evening and put it in the middle of the kitchen table so we couldn’t use the table any more. Took a bit of talking and a relocation alternative before he would even consider that it wasn’t practical to have the bloody microwave on the table.

He drank those stupid WD40 smelling protein drinks...

I had friends over for a dinner party one weekend when no one else was around so I temporally re-arranged the furniture in the kitchen-dining room, and he had a go at me for not consulting him about the change in furniture!

We had an argument once (one of many I am sure) where he told me that I needed to change my personality (yes really) because he didn’t like the fact that I am sarcastic, and when I am not being sarcastic I am facetious... I took it under advisement and then ignored him.

Anyway he was a git but seemed harmless enough, until Kylie moved out, and my friend P moved in, Cormac was unable to arrange to meet with P because of his ‘busy’ schedule, and he didn’t want him to move in because P might steal the ‘thousands’ of pounds worth of recording equipment he kept in his room FFS!...we arranged a phone call as times could not be arranged and Kylie needed to sort her deposit etc as she was returning home. P moved in and there was not a lot more to be said...a few incidents where we hear young ladies slam the door and shout at him while they left in the middle of the night, but Cormac basically kept to himself.

Until one quiet morning I get a text from P really early – ‘Did you hear that?’ Now, neither my then boyfriend, nor I had heard anything unusual however when I got up this is the story that P told. And it has scared him for life.

He was in bed, naked (mental note!) and his girlfriend had just left to go to work, the door to his room opens and someone lays on top of him, and whispers in his ear....’it’s ok Robert it’s just us’. It's Cormac! P attempts to get up can’t, hollers, and trys to shove Cormac off his bed, about to climb out of bed to forcibly remove him from the room, he realises that Cormac is naked too! Cormac then proceeds to sit at the edge of the bed and mumble a bit, P was somewhat reluctant to get out of bed as he didn’t want to get into a physical fight with Cormac, naked wrestling was not on P’s agenda! Then Cormac left the room, came back in to say sorry (or something) farted! And left. And that was the last time we ever saw him.

This story makes me giggle every time I think of it, poor P he is still traumatised and his face goes a funny colour every time I remind him of it. The funniest part is that P maintains that he hollered and yelled, and I heard nothing, I claim that he welcomed Cormac in just to wind him up.

I am not nice.

* details not changed to protect the 'innocent'
(LittleRock is planning her next meal, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 18:18, 1 reply)

*click*
just for WD40 protein drinks!
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 21:56, closed)