Just this morning...
Having spent a highly enjoyable snooze in the girlfriends bed as she had buggered of early for a job interview I reluctantly drag myself out of bed.

Quick shower and a shave I am ready to take on the world! The world, however, has different ideas.

One of the aforementioned girlfriends flatmates has deadbolted the door and I am locked in (honestly! What if there had been a fire???). After a short time hunting for a spare key (no luck) I consider my options. This brings me to the kitchen. The flat is an old council estate with a walkway running past the kitchen and front door. After a quick investigate I find that one of the windows opens fully and I can escape!

I fashion a loop of Macguyver-esque string so I can pull the latch on the window closed after my escape. I climb out and breathe the sweet, fresh air of freedom, turn around and pull the window shut. Success! The latch clicks into place and the house is once again secure. Eager to get going I turn around and walk to work with a spring in my step...

...and spring straight into the warm, welcoming arms of the wonderful, ever vigilant metropolitan police force. Arse.

Length - about half an hour of providing work, home and personal details, contact number to girlfriend, verifying my identity, emptying my bag to prove that 'no, you probably wouldn't want to steal cycling gear that smells THAT bad' and them promising to return when girlfriend + flatmates are in to ensure that I am who I am and that nothing has been stolen.

And that is the story of how I burgled my girlfriends flatmates.
(Squash, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:20, 8 replies)

That's the best thing on here all week!
Have a well deserved *click*, and I think you deserve a pint at lunchtime.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:47, closed)

Why thank you,
you flatter me sir.
And yes, yes I do.
(Squash, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:00, closed)

Poor you!
Funny though!
(Save Us All !!!, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 11:58, closed)

Un-fucking-lucky mon
Sympathy click.

I once got stopped on my way home with the family supper in the front basket of my mother's sparkly jade green Raleigh Shopper. I was a long-haired grubby hippie in army boots etc.

'Is this YOUR bicycle, sir?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:02, closed)

I once had to
Spend my lunch break getting a taxi back home to unlock one of my housemates. The dozy bastard left his keys in the pub and I locked (it's one of those houses that needs a key to lock and unlock the door) the front door.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:15, closed)

I thought
most houses (if not all indeed) were like this!

hehe
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:26, closed)

Er
Do you know what a Yale lock* is?


*for the pedants: yes I know it's called a latching cylinder lock, but everyone calls them Yale locks.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:44, closed)

Have a well deserved click...
....for making me chortle like a good'un!
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:18, closed)