had a bit of a leeching asshole flatmate once....
one the house rules were that you supply your own food, toilet paper and other consumables. He would frequently "borrow" other peoples toilet paper.

Even though told repeatedly not to - kept using the landlady's computer as a stereo when playing pool/snooker - always left the volume up loud so when anyone else uses the PC it blasts the fuck out of them.

He didn't clean up after himself - landlady and her daughter (a real hottie!) were always cleaning up after him.

After his pushbike got stolen - he kept using another flatmate's bike without permission. I think the other flatmate gave up and let him keep it when the bike started to break up a bit. (my pushbike was always stored with a bike chain around the wheel so it was unrideable when I wasn't using it)

On one occasion he got drunk with a friend - his friend left after some stupid argument. So he decides to borrow the landlady's 4WD Ute WHILE DRUNK! to find his mate to continue the conversation. - The landlady was not happy about that. And almost kicked him out but now regretted giving him yet another "second chance"

On xmas day I felt like taking my pushbike for a ride - only to discover the back wheel was missing! (my bike lock was only around the front wheel and frame). Later I discover my back wheel had made it's way to the asshole's bike???

Not only that - around the same time period I had purchased a new computer - I come home from a night shift a bit early to find the asshole and his friend trying to use it to burn a music CD (I hadn't even got around to setting it up!).

At this point it meant war, so the night I kicked him off the computer I downloaded a tool to prevent him from loading the OS of the computer without the right password. I found it quite effective that I offered the solution to the landlady and her daughter - they were practically begging me to apply it.

Not long after locking down the computers - he made a goof of himself by asking the landlady's daughter why there was this "password" thing on the computer - she replied screaming at him "TO STOP FUCKWITS LIKE YOU FROM USING IT WITHOUT PERMISSION!!!" - only then he realises the gravity of the situation and goes red in the face from embarrasment.

When I discovered the bike wheel missing on Xmas day - I spent Xmas day reclaiming my bike whell and proceeding to dissassemble his bike down to the last bolt to shove in a box in the deepest corner of the basement.

How he ended up leaving the place was after we got another tennant in (the other guy left because he got sick of the asshole) because our new tennant was female he kind of went on a bit of a power trip and tried to intimidate the new girl.

At one stage the new girl and I plotted a bit of revenge on him (to make her feel better from the intimidation) so we did things like mix his CD collection covers (stevie wonder switched with marilyn manson for example). Reversed the cabling on his stereo speakers and other petty things.

We struggled to find a really effective way of getting back at him until I made the discovery of his stash of energy/muscle building drink formulas - I made an evil grin and said one word: LAXATIVE!!!!!!

The idea was so awesome that even the landlady joined in, we bought some laxative pills, crushed them down a mixed them into the formulas. We were afaid he wouldn't take 'em because the formulas where bright white colour and the laxative particles were brown. Sure enough the plan worked - he didn't know who did it even though we were all involved. We could tell he was suspecting me because of the revenge of the bike wheel and Computer lock.

He was too afraid to confront me, which I found amusing because the weedy little shrimp believed he was going to be the next big "soccer superstar" - some day after the bike incident after bribing his friend $20 to reassemble his bike he commented at me in passing for trashing his bike. I simply replied "shouldn't have done it in the first place!" - as hew was walking away he tried to act macho in front of his mate out of earshot. Unfortunately I heard his comment and came back to confront him - the little chickenshit was too afraid to repeat it in front of me.

His attitudes eventually got in the landlady's face one night, instead of feeling intimidated like the female flatmate the landlady told him to move out. By then no amount of brown-nosing could make her change her mind. The prick finally left.

An then there was much rejoicing!
(mudslinger lives in a house surrounded by pussy....... cats!, Sat 7 Apr 2007, 6:27, Reply)