My secret
was to slope off from work on the dot of five o'clock on the last working Friday before Christmas, get pissed, and chain smoke five packs of Marlboro Reds by 11.30pm

I guarantee you'll feel so ill the next day you won't feel like smoking. So you'll leave it for a day. Then the next day, you won't feel like smoking much, so you'll leave it another day.

If you can then contrive to catch a proper dose of 'flu, like I did, you'll be another fortnight before you even contemplate smoking.

After that, around New Year's Eve, venture out and have a beer or two. Just when you start feeling human again, ponce a fag off a mate who still smokes - ideally something really cheap and nasty-tasting (for me it was a Rothman's Royal, IIRC). You won't enjoy it, and you'll think to yourself "it's New Year's Eve, why don't I just make a resolution to stop smoking altogether".

16 years later, I still don't smoke, and when I had to pretend to last year for am-dram, I hated the smell and taste so much I was genuinely confused as to why on Earth I'd ever started in the first place.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 15:48, 1 reply)

A good old throat infection really helps too.

(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:13, closed)