Instructions, we don't need no stinkin' instructions
I have ignored just about every single instruction there is,
Every piece of good advice freely given,
Every sensible suggestion,
Every single clear direction,
Every speed limit and camera.

Manuals...ignored.
Warnings...ignored.
Common sense...ignored.
Maps...who fucking needs 'em.

If there's a right way I'll find it my way
which means I find it by all of the wrong ways.

I've been beaten up, blown up, patched up, stitched up, thrown out, thrown off, ripped off.
I've fallen out of trees, walked off boats, been run over and opened my kneecap with a sword.
I've welded my hand, skewed my foot, firebombed a wasps nest and stapled my little finger to a desk.

When I was a kid the police used to call at my house first when anything truely bloody stupid had been done - not criminal, well not criminally criminal...just stupid.

Have you ever attached a tractor innertube to a garage forecourt high pressure air hose and held down the trigger until it explodes...No...don't!...I hurts like fuck (although the noise is quite exceptional and the look on the car owners faces is worth a week of deafness).

Do you know why they tell you not to put aerosol cans in fire...I do...what they don't tell you is do not use in conjuction with clay based water pipes and oil filtars to make mortars (don't do this if you don't want a dirty great scar down the centre of your nose...at least).

That's it for now...if you want any advice feel free to ask :)
( Attila the Bun is not in a right cunt of a mood, Thu 4 May 2006, 23:27, Reply)