Bargain kitchen
Way back in the mists of 2003, a younger rubberduck bought a house. It needed a bit of work doing to it, but was decently sized and in otherwise good nick. Now, also being a budget-conscious sort, I was on the lookout for any bargain purchases that would make the work on my house as cheap as possible.

One fateful evening, I arrived home having spent the previous hours imbibing the finest liquids that my local alehouse had to offer, and unusually I was still feeling somewhat awake. It was then that I had a lightbulb moment. Maybe I could find some bits for my new kitchen on everybody's favourite online tat bazaar, eBay. Surely, being the early hours of the morning it was a perfect time for snapping up a bargain.

After browsing several pages of the usual overpriced tat, my eyes kept being drawn to one listing in particular. A very well known high-quality kitchen manufacturer had decided to sell a job lot of some of its old stock on eBay - according to the listing there were in excess of 5,000 cupboard dorrs, as well as numerous units etc. In my hazy, alcohol-saturated state, I reasoned that I could buy these kitchen bits, use the pieces that I wanted and make an absolute fortune selling off the bits that I didn't need individually.

I couldn't understand why it was so cheap. I won the auction for the grand price of £1.34,

What I hadn't reckoned in my drunken state was

A) How to get them from the other side of the country to where I lived

and

B)Where to store it all once I'd got it back.

I ended up having to hire a 26-tonne lorry to go and get them all, and stored these doors around my house and shed for *3 years* while I gradually sold them all. I was forced to get used to them being a way of life - making impromptu mini tables, seats and mega-size fly swatters of them. I couldn't even get into one of my bedrooms for a while.

Even to this day I develop something of a nervous tic around wood veneer surfaces. I'm not sure I can cope with the idea of yet another birch-effect wooden ironing board...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 22 May 2009, 7:41, Reply)