I work in McDonalds (yeah I know)
One particularly quiet morning a policeman came in who the previous week had arrested me on a bullshit charge. Despite my polite protestations, he continued being a dick an kept me in for the night. I hadn't even been drinking and the charge was dropped "no further actioned" after my interview. He recognised me after placing a c£15 order for breakfast, I assume for him and his chums in the station. I greeted him with sarcastic shitty comments and went of to cook his breakfast.

Now it would be no good to contaminate the food with germs filth and disease. Or spit. I'm just not that vindictive. And in all honesty, i've never seen anyone do this to any food in any McDonalds - Ever.

Instead, I disregarded all the food i had been holding, and took the extra time to prepare everything fresh. Freshly cooked eggs, sausage, bacon. Crisp tasted muffins, the works. Everything put together perfectly and with the panache required of a Jamie Oliver cookery show. Egon Ronay himself would've eaten it after watching me prepare it. The police deserve the finest food with the finest ingredients!

As it was quiet, I took the effort to go round, help bag up the order and present it in the nicest possible way to the offending officer, with a sickening smile and have a nice day! He nervously took the order and politely said thank you before departing.

I figured he'd do one of two things. He'd send the whole lot away for analysis, (with the hope of bringing another charge) or check everything and really not enjoy eating any of it.

He surprised me by binning it outside and looking back at me smiling, as if to say "I'm not falling for that one!".

No apologies for length; our sausage is burger shaped!
(sunray18, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 1:14, 18 replies)

I like this
a lot.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 15 Feb 2011, 5:43, closed)

And another click
For taking pride in your work.

With all the bullshittery that goes around on the internet, it's nice to hear of someone that's not ashamed to admit they work at Maccy D's. I certainly wouldn't like the constant pressure for what can't be the best pay in the world.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:12, closed)

A good friend of mine use to be a shift manager there before he went away to study. He really enjoyed it and took great pride in his work. Well done for not stooping low and showing you're the better man! Click!
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:22, closed)

It's not the pay that's the problem.
The pay is largely ok, I prop it up with clinical trials at every opportunity. The problem is the hours. As labour is tightly controlled, hours fluctuate and and can sometimes be short - think 25hrs a week for full time staff. Instead, they seem to favour having lots of staff on fewer hours. I do like it though, the people are great and it's the least prejudiced company to work for - your popularity is directly linked to your work skill and productivity!
(sunray18, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:04, closed)

Pfft.
McDonald’s will provide the candidate with a package of
professional rewards that includes a starting salary of up
to £21,500 including London weighting (£3,000 in inner
London and £1,500 in our South East region). Within weeks
of joining, there is the potential of a quarterly bonus. In
under three years, the candidate could be running their own
restaurant and earning a salary and package worth £45,000.
In addition, the successful candidate would expect:
• Five weeks holiday per annum, rising to six weeks (from April ‘09)
• Annual performance related pay review
• Life assurance cover
• Optional contributory pension scheme
• Private healthcare cover available after six months services
(Also extended to the employee’s spouse and any dependent
children up to 21 years of age.)
• Company car or cash alternative after six months as a
Business Manager
• Home telephone bill assistance
• A paid sabbatical leave of eight weeks for every
10 years of service
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 15:16, closed)

Are you saying that is bad?
Because here in the US, a McDonald's worker makes the equivalent of 9,783 pounds a year, gets no paid holiday, no health insurance (unless they want to buy it themselves at full price, probably at $200-$300 a month) and certainly no company car.
(raulduke, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 18:26, closed)

I think it looks
suspicious.

45k probably isn't bad if it was the actual salary, but that's the 'package', and it's the maximum too.

These things get very inflated. I'd be pretty sure the actual salary is less than 40, which for managing a business like a MacDonalds isn't anything to write home about.

The workers salaries are lower than that. Looks like a fully covered employee would get £20k or so, which is pretty piss poor, but for sure much better than the numbers you have for the US.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:32, closed)

The healthcare is the best bit.
I know a few people who do one half shift a week just to qualify. They have "proper jobs" too.
(sunray18, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 19:40, closed)

Actually...
A friend of mine works there in some kind of managerial position, and the pay isn't half bad.
(Kakistos, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:03, closed)

Good stuff!
To be honest I thought this was going to be another "omg teh pigz iz all cunts i wanked in his food lol", and was pleasantly surprised. Good on you.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:39, closed)

There is a lot to be said for inverted aggression.
There's a good trick you can do to repay road-rage.

If someone is fucking about with you on a motorway or something, you let them pass, then pull in behind them. Don't need to be right up their arse or even the next car back, just close enough for them to see you.

You mirror their every move. Lane changes, speeding up, slowing down.

They will slowly become more and more uncomfortable. They'll pull into the left lane and slow down, just to see if you;re really following them. Then they'll speed up, start trying to lose you. Just keep following, unless they fly off at 130mph, you'll normally catch up.

Do it for half an hour, you can be sure you've totally ruined their day.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:32, closed)

Except If you're driving an HGV
What you do then is imagine the impact your 44 tonne behemoth would have on their shitty little repmobile, and the sensation of fluids and solids spurting from every orifice in the 3 seconds of life left to them.

Relax. After all, who's the cunt?
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 16:06, closed)

Heh. I will happily
doff my cap to a professional.

Wouldn't work the other way either. I don't suppose your average artic driver would take much notice of some idiot shadowing him down the A1(m) either.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 16:49, closed)

Early one sunday morning at a free party in the countryside
The police shut it down, meaning that several hundred muntered ravers had to get back into town unexpectedly - and before arranged lifts etc had arrived.

My mate, being in an extremely happy and friendly mood for some reason, decided to see if he could cadge a lift in a police car. That's not a euphemism for attacking a policeman, he really did try to thumb a lift back into town. With the predictable sarcastic reply from the policeman.

Wavy lines to the next day at work, where for normal, professional reasons he had to meet with some police officers. Yes, guess which officer walked into the office. No amount of suits and professionalism could disguise the fact that this was the same wasted hippy they'd seen the previous day!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:24, closed)

I like.
Well done for not being a dick.

clickage
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:43, closed)

Dont get me wrong,
I was a dick for letting him believe that I might have done something to his breakfast and watching him chuck perfectly good food. If I'd done something to it and he chucked it, I would've lost!

I could've been the bigger man entirely and stepped aside while someone else cooked it, but meh!
(sunray18, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:33, closed)

Brilliant
The best kind of revenge.
(Document Pocket, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:22, closed)

Well done there...
Have a click (even though I don't like McDonald's)
( snee held his breath since, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 15:22, closed)