Time zone difference
Being a Brit in California, I get asked lots of dumbass questions (do you have milk in England?)...a few weeks ago, I was at the bar with my boyfriend and the lovely but a bit gullible Marissa was working. She asked us what the time was, my clock said 6.41, boyfs said 6.40....so as a joke, the boyfriend said it must be a time difference thing.
Hook, line and fucking sinker....Marissa totally fell for it....I had her believing that England was exactly one minute ahead of California (cos of the international date line).
Some random English guy went into the bar 2 days later, so Marissa struck up a conversation and proceeded to tell him about the time difference.....naturally, he was 'eh, it's 8 hours love'. I got a text message from Marissa about it (while English guy was still there), and so I told her it's because I'm from Hull......bless the guy...he was like 'Oh, ok, I'm from Portsmouth, that makes the difference'. I saw Marissa the next day and she told me all about their conversation and the 'British date line' that seperates north & south, and how when it's daytime in the north it's night in the south.

She nearly fucking killed me on New Years Eve when I went in at 4pm to celebrate British new year.....

Thanks random English bloke for 'validating' my story...
(nolongernuts, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 18:32, 11 replies)

But, but, but...
Hull isn't actually the North, is it?
Not the REAL North, like, eh!
;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 18:38, closed)

Good to see you back, Sue.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 19:47, closed)

Cheers.
Am in Vegas right now.....hammered at 1pm!
(nolongernuts, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 20:56, closed)

I was asked some hum-dingers when I was in New York back a few years back..
'Do you guys have Christmas in England?'
'Have you guys heard of CDs yet over there?'
'How do the horses see through all that fog?'
and my personal favourite...
Why is England called England? I know Whales is named after Whales right? because of that's where the ships set sail from when they hunted them, yeah?'

I like to think that a similar wind up merchant to yourself had sown that particular seed. He'd had to have been told that, how else would he know of Wales, let alone it having a coastline.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 20:27, closed)

I love fucking with people
....'do you have 4th of July in England?'
'no.....we go from 3rd to 5th'
'oh, is that cos we beat you in the war?......'
(nolongernuts, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 22:25, closed)

The answer to that one is,
'No, you didn't. The French had to do it for you, because your militias were shit, and we were kicking your arse. The USA wouldn't exist without the French, would it?' The when they inevitably start going on about saving our asses in WW2, point out that the war had moved to the Eastern front by then, and it was the Russians who saved us. The US sorted out continental Europe.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 3:25, closed)

And while you're at it,
don't forget to mention Vietnam.
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 9:30, closed)

I usually go with
'Yeah we have July the 4th, we just call it something different. We call it 'Thank God they fucked off. At least now there is a country that is more universally despised than us day.'
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 9:35, closed)

My favourite was "What language to people speak in England, then?"

Also, for different reasons, the question on the immigration form:

"Have you ever been involved in terrorism, mass murder, or ethnic cleansing?"

Well, I mean, define "involved"? And exactly how many counts as "mass"? Obviously, I'm not going to lie - what kind of rogue do you think I am? - but the question is rather vague...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 11:43, closed)

England is named after the Angles, of course
Cos we like geometry over here. Were all maths geniuses, don'cha know.

Yes, maths. Not math. No-one studies Mathematic.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 11:47, closed)

Upon marrying a yank.....
I was privvy to the following statements/questions....... and had to respond...

1. New wife's father, during first meeting with him:
"Do Yall have Pitzurh ova thayur?"
(internally) "Yes we're nearly 5000 miles closer to Italy"
(audibly) "Why yes, I guess so, although possibly not the same as you have over here"
(We ordered Papa John's)

2. New Wife's estranged Mother (via phone)
"Are yurrr folks rich?"
(audibly) "Not rich, not wealthy or well off, just at retirement age, they own their own house, enjoy a couple of holidays a year. I think i'd like to say that they have a rich and happy life"
(her) "Well good, cos she wouldn't know how to act around rich people"

3. Her mother to her
"You know, you're gonna have to learn a whole nother language over there"
Given that i'd just been speaking to her in English... I mean... ok... (oh, im English, from England, for the record)

Some Americans thing England is in London.
"Do yall know the Queen/Queen Mother"
"What do you call your dollars over there?"
"Oh you're so polite" (oh dear... no we're not, we're just putting it on for you...)
(Universon, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 13:06, closed)