Yeah, it's like that...
My wife didn't die- we divorced instead- so I can't wholly relate to the first half of the story. No one can unless they've gone through it themselves, of course.

That said, I fully relate to the second half- having kids and trying to have something resembling a sex life. It ain't easy.

In the past six years I've had relationships of some sort with... well, a lot of women, most of whom were not someone I would want to introduce to my kids. Some did get introduced anyway- Mad Stripper, anyone?- but for the most part I kept that part of my life well separated.

I found during this that you have a choice to make- do you try to get on with your life and start a new one, or do you put your kids first and keep your love life in a holding pattern? It really is a matter of one or the other, and I found that the women who didn't have kids (or whose kids were grown) highly resented the intrusion of kids into my schedule. If I had to change plans because of a sick kid or some such, it made them extremely upset and jealous of the kids. Many relationships foundered on that particular rock. And looking back, I'm rather glad they did- if the woman isn't understanding of that, I don't want her.

My kids knew that I was dating, of course, and were at first a little uneasy with the concept as they thought I might meet someone and decide that I wanted to start a new life without them. Once it became obvious that I wasn't going to do that, they were fine with me dating- although they were a little nervous when the Travel Agent moved in with me. And they were right- she ended up moving out after a really bad scene, and even today is still angry with me. But the fact that I didn't choose her over them cemented things for them, and they're very close to me now- and they've now accepted the Lunatic Artist, as they know that if that relationship goes pear shaped I'll still choose them first.

I'm 45 now, and will have a kid in school for another three years or so before she goes off to university. Three years isn't a long time to wait, really. Once she's established at a college I'll be free to move from this house and restart my life- but even then, if one of my kids calls me and needs me, they know I'll be there. And that's as it should be.

Good luck, mate. You'll get there.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 13 Feb 2008, 13:08, Reply)