Not the sharpest utensil in the inappropriate cooking device.
A colleague at work recently performed the most comprehensive ruination of a mobile phone it has ever been my fortune to witness. It began with a simple accident that's happened to many of us at one time or another, but ended in unmitigated disaster. As this is really quite a dull story, I shall present it in the style of 24 to add dramatic tension.

10:17AM: Our hero is using the ladies when disaster strikes! Perhaps she is playing a sneaky game of Tetris, perhaps she's merely an oaf, but her mobile slips, somehow, into the toilet bowl. Panicking, she swiftly retrieves it and returns to the office. SPLIT SCREEN: Our heroine looks distraught. A colleague points and laughs.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

10:21AM: The mobile is still dripping, but this does not prevent our brave heroine from switching it on to see if it still works. Nothing. Undaunted, she connects the phone to her charger in case "the water drained out the battery, innit?". Upsettingly, electrocution does not ensue. SPLIT SCREEN: A dripping mobile is wired up to the mains. Our heroine is worried. A colleague looks on in horror.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

10:26AM: Drying the phone is suggested. It is disconnected from its charger and carefully wrapped in a paper towel, then placed on top of a radiator. SPLIT SCREEN: The forlorn bundle sits atop the radiator. Our heroine looks on anxiously, but not without hope.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

10:29AM: Our heroine has a plan! Having decided that her phone is not drying quickly enough (perhaps she has a call to make, a call of vital importance to NATIONAL SECURITY) and with the stealth of a ninja, she retrieves her phone and sneaks off to the kitchen. Carefully unwrapping the moist paper towels, she gently places her phone down, seals the door and sets the timer. Of the microwave oven. The microwave explodes*. SPLIT SCREEN: A colleague, alarmed at the noise and smoke, rushes for the kitchen door. The wreckage of the microwave exposes the blackened and ruined corpse of the phone. Our heroine falls to her knees, an exhausted, grief-stricken expression on her face.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Credits roll.

*Sparks, then breaks.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 16:50, 11 replies)

Oh, nicely told.
:)
( thealternativefact, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 16:58, closed)

Cheers!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:08, closed)

Wow
she is really dense. Thicker than a very thick thing. Please tell me she hasn't polluted the gene pool with any offspring?
(berk, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:01, closed)

Four, I believe :(

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:06, closed)

Idiocracy here we come

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:10, closed)

At least...
...they'll be able to defend and win arguments when growing up with well-timed 'whatever's'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:41, closed)

Please god
Tell me this is a joke?

I've got very little faith left in humanity as it is!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:16, closed)

Well, I certainly laughed quite a lot. Does that help?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 17:38, closed)

It'll do for me!
Cheers!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 18:42, closed)

Clicks hard
I haven't laughed so much at someone else's misery for a good few hours!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 5 Aug 2009, 23:07, closed)

Excellent stuff.
Not only that, I think you've opened up a market for a 24 book series.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 10:02, closed)