The Best Bouncer Ever...
Many years ago I used to live in Bath as I was doing my PGCE down there. While I was living there I'd have a friend over for a few beers of a weekend.

One weekend my mate Lee comes on over and a plan is quickly hatched:

To have a couple of beers on the Friday before heading out on the saturday for some serious carnage (cos we're cool like that)

Unfortunately, as we are a pair of simpletons the plan goes to pot and we end up going on a pub crawl on the Frida via various pubs and into town.

The night draws on and we decide that more booze in in order along with some dancing. For this to occur we must head to a nightclub and in my fuzzy mind I suggest T's, unfortunately it's about 10 o'clock and dead at the club, so the bouncer lets us in and we head straight for the bar, check our funds... £8 between us, this can't be good, however, it looks like Dionysus was smiling on us that night for T's were doing an offer of any spirit and mixer for £1! Hurrah thinks we and ask the barmaid for a 'lucky dip' while this is occurring we are also having a chat with the bar staff and a having a bit of a laugh.

We drink the resultant drinks and the place is filling up, however, we also need more money so I enquire of the barmaid (who happens to be from near where I live) if I can nip out for some cash. She agrees and wanders over with me to the bouncer, telling him that I'm a decent human being and that he should let me out and in again, to which he complies! (It's OK, the acts of altruism get better!)

I return with cash and more beer is had, much fun and dancing is had and then Lee decides he wants to go home but I do not, we talk for a bit Lee sits down while I continue to dance.

Lee then has the following brainwave:
'If I leave then Fuckarma will have to come out to find me and we can head home' so out he goes.

I start to look around the club and can't find him, slightly gutted I ask one of the bar staff and am told that he went out the front, I nip past the bouncer and find Lee being propped up by a large bin at which point, I, the heart and soul of concern say 'Come on you big girl! get your backside back in there!'

Then the following exchange takes place:
Lee - 'I'm tired, can we head off'
Me - 'Come on, it'll be a laugh!'

Lee then makes a fatal error in his judgement.

Lee - 'I'll come in if the bouncer lets me in then'

We both return to the bouncer like 2 hopeful puppies (well one hopeful puppy and one drunk, tired puppy) and as we approach he turns to us and says:

'In you go lads'

At this point Lee decided that just being let back in the club at 1230 for free isn't enough and so an argument with the bouncer was in order, but this argument wasn't about violence, or about the bouncers comedy evil beard, no this was about being allowed in!

Lee - 'Why are you letting me in? I'm drunk!'
Bouncer - 'It's OK mate, in you go'
Lee - 'But where I come from if I turn up at a bar in this state and asking to go in for free the bouncers would give me a hiding!'
Bouncer - 'It's OK mate, the bar staff said you two are OK'
Lee - 'but...but...but...' (I'd like to think at this point Lee was about to cry with joy at such an understanding and patient bouncer but I suspect it was more the sound of defeat)
Bouncer - 'no worries mate, in you go'

And a good night was had by all...shame the sat was a write off though!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 15:22, 2 replies)

I like it!
Have a click.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 15:46, closed)

Lovely
just fucking lovely - nice one!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 16:54, closed)