Fatherly Advice On My Wedding Day
"Son, now you are married, you must learn this important lesson on dealing with a Wife.. if you are going out for a night on the ale, tell her you are coming home an hour or two later than you actually intend to.. that way, when you arrive home 'early' she'll be delighted that you've cut short your night out to be with her"

And I tell you what, it works every fucking time.
(Pesky Young Scamp, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 23:17, 6 replies)

Just read this to my missus...
without hesitation, she replied "unless shes cheating on him, then she'd be pissed off he came home early." I'm worried.
(menashem, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 23:27, closed)

@menashem
But she would probably think twice now.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 23:33, closed)

Slice of Fried Gold
That's f***ing brilliant that is. Fairly recently married myself - I'm so going to use that one!
( superstoater is so mauve, you don't know what he's planning, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 0:20, closed)

I know without trying it
that this would work like a charm
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 8:44, closed)

Doesn't work so well when
"It's going to be a big one this evening dear, I should be back at 6am"

Then turn up at 4am stinking of kebab making enough noise to awaken a dead pigeon and trying to climb on top of her since you came home early because you missed her.
( ma0sm, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:45, closed)

Tried it, doesn't work.
"What time will you be back?"

"Oh, late - don't wait up"

"You'd better fukcing not be, we've got x,y,z to do tomorrow, so you'd better not be in a fukcing mess."

:(
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)