I take no credit at all for this story
I just think it's absolute genius. And since my first reaction to this week's QOTW was overwhelmingly "Childbirth" I felt it deserved a pearost.

Original credit goes to BewilderedMum over at Bad Mother's Club.

After ds1 was born, I needed stitches. They removed the top half of the bed, and put me at the bottom half, with my feet in stirrups. It was a very small delivery room - in part cos I don't think they thought I was EVER going to give birth

Soo - am there, feet in stirrups, occupying the bottom half of the bed. The doctor was perched on a wheely stool thing, in this tiny delivery room, awaiting the passive arrival of my torn min-min, for his ministrations...

Aaanyway, cos of syntocinon drip, I was still honking like a good 'un, so some bright spark, propped me up on pillows , and raised the bottom part of the bed, so I didn't choke....

Unfortunately, because I am incredibly supple (tae kwon do) and had an epidural, which meant I had no feeling or control (or so I sez )

I SLID down the delivery table, past the end, past the stirrups - my feet stayed where they were in the stiruups, but the rest of me carried on..) and into the face of the waiting doctor.

Cos it was a small delivery room, he was PINNED to the wall, by my savaged min-min - honest to god, it was in his face. he shouted "HELP" in quite a distressed tone of voice, but the midwives and dh were busy with the baby..

After 38 hours of labour, and a severe sense of humour failure throughout - it suddenly returned..

The Doctor looked SO panicked - like I was wielding a sub machine gun, not a savaged min-min.

I remarked to him "I bet you didn't think you'd spend your saturday night like THIS did you!!" Then I LITERALLY pissed myself laughing - in his face...

Dh turned to me, with some irritation, and said "FGS sober up - you're a mother now!" - which made me laugh even more!! and the midwives ran to oik me up the bed - but the doctor looked distinctly nervous - he did a FABULOUS job of my stitches - afterwards, I hardly knew they were there -

mind you - by this point, he was prolly so freaked out by my min-min, that he thought if he didn't do a good job, my min would find out where he lived, and would come and burn his house down....
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:46, 9 replies)

I had stitches after the birth of my son - Id forgotten they were there until one day a short while after the birth while I was in the shower. I was washing myself and saw what looked like an ENORMOUS spider on the sponge.. nearly jumped out of my skin until I realised what it was.
(Freakmandu, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:59, closed)

I have never given birth
But I did have an enormous crap once and it stung for half a day. So I can sympathise.
(Darramouss Powered by Monster Munch and hate., Fri 30 Jul 2010, 1:50, closed)

Oh God...
That's even more horrific than having the stitches in the first place!

In my experience the stitches were worse than the birth itself though...
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 17:25, closed)

I was in stitches after reading this
If that counts.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 10:17, closed)

min-min?
really?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 11:00, closed)

The way she tells it...
...after labor that long, it was probably a max-max by then...
(reech, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 16:14, closed)

Min-min
Kinda disturbing if you ask me.
(jaytoothetee, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 18:35, closed)

...
...and we're done with sex.
(hairybuddha, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 21:28, closed)

Bwa ha ha!
Excellent-I can just see this.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 1 Aug 2010, 6:44, closed)