Dubai
Went to a hotel (cos thats where all the bar's are)in Duabi called the New Yorker.

Walked past the lump of bouncer and proceeded in whereupon I was immediately grabbed by one of the bar hostesses and asked if I wanted a drink "Ooo, yes please! I'll be at the bar" - She totters off to get my drink (from the bar) and I aim for a friendly Arsenal shirt, also at the bar, assuming he will be english. He was, so we get chatting and I ask him if he knew of anywhere to find a girl for the evening. He laughed and waved his hand across the packed room and said "Take your pick, you can have any of them". This was when it clicked that all the stools were fixed to the floor but facing outward rather than towards the bar. Marvellous I thought, have a few beers, a chat, compare notes, take my pick, and go and have some fun.

The only thing was that by the time you had compared them and thought about it some other git had got in there first and was proceeding out of the door with his hand on her arse. Ok, I thought, after about 3 pints, I'll have to be a bit more pro-active and walk the floor. Now, I'm not racist, but as I was paying for it I wanted to have a white european girl. Not a problem you may think, but there were so many Chinese, Korean, Thai, Indian etc etc it was hard to find 'the one'. I was squeezed, pummelled, pinched, touched up all the way round the room and started to wonder who was picking who here.

I was going to give up and return to my drinking buddy for the night when I saw a stunner. I fought my way across to her and asked her if she was free. B0llocks, Ukrainian and not a word of English. Still, I did not give up and asked the girl next to her if she could translate, which luckily she could, sort of. Anyway, I didn't just want a shag - oh no - greedy old me wanted her for the whole night. I thought I might have a few more beers and if I was incapable I could at least get my monies worth in the morning. After a little haggle we agreed on a price (AED600 I think).

Now came a bit of a problem. Almost every one in there was wearing casual / jeans, although I was wearing a loose shirt and proper trousers. I had wangled a suite at one of the best hotels in Dubai (tallest hotel in the middle east - and has the same name as an airline - if you know that area of the world) on the 42nd floor and there was no way security would let me use the executive lift with her on my arm in jeans. So I asked her, via the translator of course, if she would mind popping home and getting changed into something slinky - I showed her my room key (which is infact a little model of the hotel with a sensor in the bottom which you just point at the door) and she got the message. After parting with 20AED for her to get a taxi, I settled onto my stool and had another beer and chatted to the Arsenal shirt while I waited.

About 30 mins later she returned and the sea of people parted as this vision of beauty walked across the club in a full length red satin dress, with full make up, hair done, with red matching elbow length gloves and a clutch bag - everyone was watching. "Fuck me" said Arsenal "she rubs up well". She finally reaches me, having a huge grin on his face, kisses me on the cheek and says "Ok?" in rough english. Too right it was. Quickly polish of my pint, high five Arsenal and off we went.

In the taxi back to the hotel she shows me her passport in her bag, to which I shrug and look back quizzically. She sort of gets it across to me that she might need it to get in. I hold her hand, pat it in a sort of 'don't worry, let me sort it out type of way'. We get to the executive lift and security says I can't take her up, I would have to pay a 2nd person supplement if she was going up. I countered saying that we had been to dinner and she was just coming up for tea. I'll explain a bit here - The executive suites have a seperate reception and dinning area (breakfast / nibbles / cocktails etc) so as the big knobs don't have to rub shoulders with the normal riff raff on the 41 floors below, which is cool. He eventually stands aside and lets us in, with me grinning even more.

Arrive at the 42nd floor where the twunt from security had warned the receptionist that I + one was coming for tea only. Now, being the smart guy that I am, I had already spoken to the receptionist before I went out, in fact I asked her to suggest a place to 'find some fun' so she was cool about it. She said that we could have tea in the lounge and that security would be changing shifts in about a hour as would she, who would also turn a blind eye if we happened to re-locate to my suite.

Right on! I peeled that dress off and had her in every room - there were 5 + the walk in wardrobes Fan~fucking~tastic. Then all again in the morning. Best sex ever, bar none!

I had to go to a conference that morning, so I was suited and booted, she, of course, only had the wonderful red dress. It was like a scene out of Pretty Woman when we stepped out of the lift together and walked across the huge foyer to the taxi jockeys. I dropped her off at home and was dreamy for the rest of my trip.

I was flying out to Doha the day after so I have never seen her again. We swapped numbers etc and have been e:mailing each other for the last year - pictures included. She's now given up that type of work and plans to marry an Irish bloke in America this year.

The experience did my head in for many weeks.

Oh, and to top it off, I was able to put it down as expenses!!!

Apologies for length, but she was worth it.
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 19 Jan 2006, 14:52, Reply)