SmashMonkey just reminded me...I am a terrible person.
A boy I had a fling with last summer told a similar lie. I was suspicious, me being a rather worldy, experienced girl (read: slag) and him being a nice, rather shy catholic boy. So I casually eased it into conversation. He assured me that he was most definitely not a virgin, and when the time came, he would happily take me in a manly fashion, no problem.

Erm, yeah. I was staying over at his one night and things began to get rather steamy. Thinking he had it covered, I let him go for it. It quickly became apparent that he didn't have a bloody clue what he was doing (later confirmed by his previous ex, a friend of mine). I did my best, but as one of my sexual partners has (accurately) described, I'm like a labyrinth down there, so despite firm guiding and planting on my part, the poor lad failed over and over again, and eventually failed himself as well.

Now, I already have a terrible habit of saying or doing the most inappropriate things during sex. I once yelled "VICTORY!" at the point of orgasm, and am a big fan of the post-coital hi-five. His inexperience wasn't helping my impulsiveness. I was riled up and getting nothing, it was getting to the point where I was going to either laugh or cry in desperation. If only he'd told me the truth from the beginning, I would have been much more patient and understanding and the subsequent crushing of his ego would probably never have happened.

I'm not proud of this, but hysertia took over, and I laughed. I laughed so hard, I couldn't breathe. I laughed so hard I fell off the bed, and continued to laugh as I was tangled in a naked sweaty heap on his bedroom floor.

We both apologised profusely in the morning and kissed as my bus pulled up... but I never heard from him again. I can't blame him really, I probably humiliated him to the point of never being able to speak to a girl again. All because of a seemingly harmless little white lie. So, yeah. Don't lie kids. It's not good for your pride, or your cock.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 21:51, 10 replies)

it's really embarrassing, isn't it?
you feel sorry for him, but you also feel like such a slut :(
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:02, closed)

I felt truly awful.
But I just could not stop laughing.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:41, closed)

Traditionally,
a labyrinth contains a foul man-eating hairy horny monst...yeah, never mind. :P
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:09, closed)

I object to foul and hairy...

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:38, closed)

Fair enough, heh heh.
Also

"Ouch! Argh! I can't have sex with you right now! Ouch!"
"Aaaw, why not?"
"Because mine are tore!"
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 0:37, closed)

If you did humiliate him that much, that's a good thing.
The last thing we need is another potential stalker and rapist roaming the streets.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 0:17, closed)

don't worry woodside
he has probably had a breakdown of some sort or even despite his catholic guilt thrown a rope over the banisters.
So all the ladies are safe from a potential serial killer.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Fri 13 Aug 2010, 2:16, closed)

See ladies
These young lads have no idea..
Do let them use you as a flesh dojo. You are not a practice mat.

Go out with older "fatter" designers. We may not have the energy to keep going for hours and hours of joyless pumping.

But we know what we are doing - call in the experts when you need something doing right.
(waxdart hello., Fri 13 Aug 2010, 10:26, closed)

had a hot date with a virgin too
he was rather good looking too. Aaron i think. Went out, nice meal, lots of lovely booze etc. so i took him home for some heavy petting on the couch ( as you do ) After lots of drooly snogging i realised his bottom was going up n down.( i was laying on the couch , he was laying ontop of me.) It appeared he was having sex. I leaned up to have a peek over his shoulder and he did indeed have his pants down. I was confused as i felt nothing and was sure my bloomers were still on. They were too coz i slid a hand down to check.
My attractive virgin was actually shagging the gap between two of the couch cushions.
He continued to climax, must have thought i was having some kind of orgasm too what with the silent guffawing i was doing by now. Me and my massively baggy strangely furry on the inside warm and dry vagina.
Needless to say i told everyone i could think of and never saw him again.( i had to make sure i didnt get a rep for having a furry on the inside vadge.)
Aaron shagged my couch and never called it for a second date. The utter monster. Shame he was so pretty.
(a girl called harry, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 11:38, closed)

I love this, so so funny! xx
( user_names_suck, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 1:02, closed)