The Piccadilly line
It makes me angry that I can't go on London's Piccadilly line without committing suicide. Let me explain.

The Piccadilly line goes through Leicester Square. Russell Brand used to have a TV show called 1 Leicester Square, and it's at least slightly possible that I might see him there.

The problem is, I have a deep loathing for Russell Brand, and I have vowed to kill him if I should ever see him in person. I generally carry a bright pink leather filofax, so I'd probably beat him to death with it until he lay festering away on the pavement, getting a few kicks in for good measure.

However, Leicester Square is a big place with lots of fucking tourists in it: i.e. lots of witnesses. I'd be locked away, probably for life, while Russell Brand took on a Kurt Cobain-style iconic post-death mega-celebrity status. It would be so stressful that my meds would stop working and I'd start having epileptic seizures.

Imagine the scene: stuck in prison writhing unconscious on the floor while your arch nemesis is mourned by the nation. Tributes on TV. Tacky merchandise. Statues in every town. I'd almost certainly hang myself with ripped up sheets or electrical cord I had to dig out of the wall with my fingernails. That's not a pleasant death.

That's what makes me angry.

*edit* Also, my parents thought it would be amusing to buy me his autobiography for Christmas. I always thought I would never sink so low as to burn books. I was so wrong.
( heckzecutive is probably fail, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:12, 7 replies)

Trust Me
If you killed Russel Brand, no jury would convict.

Justifiable homicide is still a valid defense in Britain. Or, in Texan-speak:

"He needed killin'"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:17, closed)

A funny post
A genuinely funny post! Hooray! Well done.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:18, closed)

Russell Brand

I think there would be a never ending queue of people wishing to kill the scruffy twat.

Have a 'click'
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:20, closed)

.
I've clicked you for hating that unforgivable dick Russell Brand.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:24, closed)

You don't have to kill him
Just get Austrian on his ass. Lock him in a dungeon for 20 years with regular "electric shocky-wocks".
(Axeman Jim, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:28, closed)

biggus clickus
he's a fucking bell-end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:35, closed)

*click*
yes, just, yes - let's all kill the prick. Who'd miss him, really?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 16:08, closed)