Magpies
I'm a cyclist, and these swoopy fuckers are the bane of my life come springtime. I'm trying to get some training in for the coming season after a winter of being cooped up and mincing about in the gym.
However, spring is nesting season for these black and white pricks, and they are fiercely territorial. When you ride past a tree in which one has built its nest, it'll sneak up behind you and either smack its wings together just behind your head, scaring you shitless, or pecks your helmet (hur hur), also making you shit yourself and possibly swerve under a truck.
They also have gangs - I was on a ride a couple of years ago and one swooped me, then all down the road, I saw the squawky cunts materialising from other trees, in the fields or out of thin bloody air to sit on the power lines and wait for me to come past. It's about the fastest 3km I've ever ridden, because magpies are pretty big and scary looking when you turn around and one's about two feet from the back of your head.

Thing is, if one's swooping down on you and you turn and catch it, it'll abort its attack because you've seen it, and it can't surprise you.

Fucking sneaky little cunts, I hate them.
(dhroadie, Mon 14 Apr 2008, 22:46, 5 replies)

Have a click...
... for "black and white pricks" and "squawky cunts" - I lol'd.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 0:14, closed)

Yay cyclists!
I've been cycling 40 miles a week for the past year or so. It's quite fun, really, except the fact I live in southern California where it's about 40-odd degrees in the summer. Not like the cool climate of my native Glasgow. I remember those bloody magpies, though. They remind me of the crow from The Omen.
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 2:03, closed)

Defence
Magpies are a problem over here in Oz during the breeding season - even more so than the UK. So the Ozzies have developed defences againts them.

For cyclists, they have stickers that look like like two great big eyes that they stick on the back of their helmets. For walkers, umbrellas, that have eyes painted on them.

Me? A mouthful of parrafin and a flaming torch.

Kentucky Fried Mapgpie anyone?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 2:31, closed)

quite like 'em meself
I mean, you're wearing a helmet and you're a lot bigger than they are. They're only doing what they think is right. I know when they surprise you, it can be a bit stressful, but I've even encouraged my daughter to ride through their territory - fully aware of the 'pies - just so she can see, they're _mostly_ harmless :-)
( woowoowoo, Tue 15 Apr 2008, 9:45, closed)

attacks
woowoowoo

Point taken, but I've friends who have had blood drawn, and last spring a cyclist got such a fright he went off the road, into a ditch and broke his collarbone.
It's not so much the harm they can do to you, but the harm which may come as a result of the surprise. Getting swooped unexpectedly while being passed by a truck isn't high on my "must-do" list.
Check this out...with sound

www.vorb.org.nz/video-view-76436.html

Harmless my arse...
(dhroadie, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 1:44, closed)