A small number of Yules ago....
....my current cockwash purchased me a 'lovely' giftbox set containing a pen and a selection of 5 Belgian chocolates.

Not an expensive present I'll grant you (as the still-attached £3.50 price tag attested), but bought with thought and loving care based on 2 considered truisms: 1. I occasionally write things down, and 2. I'm a fat bastard.

Bless. Cheap yet thoughtful, and easily the moral and heartfelt equal to the iPod I got her.

Or at least it would have been had the top heavy object of my random affections not eaten one of the sodding chocolates. Disregarding the pen (which incidentally I did), she spent £3 on me, then ate 20% of it. What a baggy old pair of cortinas de la carne de vaca, as they say in Spain.

I love her to bits really, but this year I'm just going to kick her in the fish mitten.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:09, 7 replies)

You get a click for the most eloquent prose I have ever read.
Cockwash = Delightful.
Well done.
(TheColonel, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:28, closed)

kick her in the fish mitten
tea - keyboard
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:45, closed)

In my case Orange Squash > Keyboard
but the effect is really much the same
(icassu, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 1:27, closed)

Do we say that, now?
I think you might have wanted to say "el chocho de su madre" or maybe "la vaca chochona"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 30 Nov 2009, 17:09, closed)

Yes you do say it, you know you do.
Babelfish reliably tells me that it means 'curtains of the cow meat' which is what I was attempting to get across.

Yours seems to suggest something to do with her mother's choco. I mean, I'd probably give it a go, but not at Christmas, it makes lunch very awkward.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 10:03, closed)

That's the problem
We don't have cow curtains. We're much more sophisticated.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 12:33, closed)

How about some other languages?
Rideaux en boeuf? Rundvlees gordijnen? Tende del manzo (a particular favourite), Rindfleischvorhänge?

Ah, I see our goat tossing friend still lacks comprehension. Her piss flaps, dear Aberracion. Her piss flaps.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 15:00, closed)