Scientologists - my own small protest
I don't do organized religion or theism in general, and have an irrational and perhaps occasionally unhealthy dislike of the "church" of scientology. It always struck me as a bit bizarre, Xenu and the Thetans always seemed like a science fiction story waiting to be made into a movie. When I read Heinlein's comment that it was the result of a bet, I put them in the charlatan column.

Two summers ago, at the local summer festival held in town, I happened to walk past a scientology recruitment booth, staffed by folk resplendent in red polo shirts. At the booth, earnest members of the "church" were in various stages of their slick recruitment, some using the E-meter "galvanometer of divine inspiration and test of personal happiness" on their slack-brained and feeble-minded prey.

Something clicked in me. Muttering a loud "well that's just a load of old bollocks" I wandered in and took a look at the instrument. "Measures skin resistance - needle will go all over the place if you're stressed out," I said to one of the hapless public. "Same principle as a lie detector - it doesn't do anything they're telling you, and the results are inconclusive and sometimes downright misleading." I became aware of being surrounded by red shirts. "Frankly, they're yanking your chain," I added.

One of the minions put his hand on my arm, attempting to move me. "You've got until I count three to remove your hand, or I will take action, and you won't be touching anything anytime soon." Wisely, he did, before attempting to wheedle me out of the booth. "I'm not going anywhere," I said, "this is public property, and I have as much right as you have to be here." They tried to engage me in conversation, "Well, no, I don't believe any of this frankly ludicrous nonsense. And yet you claim your principles are scientific. Show me the science, or even any evidence, that Xenu brought immortal humans to earth 75 millions years ago. Show me the evidence that they dropped atom bombs into volcanos. Show me one piece of evidence." Of course they couldn't.

They continued to try and surround me, but I just walked around, generally making an arse of myself, mumbling "utter bilge water" or "complete and utter arse wank" when I heard something particularly specious (and there was a lot of it.)

Finally, after about 2 hours, I tired of the game and wandered off. Walked through a couple of crowded stores, sneaking out of the back way. Hung out in a coffee shop for an hour. And then took a very circuitous route back to my car.

It was probably a waste of time, but frankly if I got one person to think a second time before being suckered into that cult, I consider it well spent.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 20:06, 19 replies)

If I ever bump into you in the street
Remind me to buy you a pint.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:08, closed)

You, sir, are a ...
... wise and noble man, and I accept your kind offer. As long as you let me buy you one in return.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:13, closed)

You've got until I count three to remove your hand, or I will take action, and you won't be touching anything anytime soon
where you going to snap his hands off?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:56, closed)

Judo and tang soo do from the age of 8 to 33, to black belt level. Jiu jitsu the last 5 or 6 years, so nowhere near as advanced. Much preferred though, for its "laying on the ground" aspect. At my age you take what you can get...

I have no compunction "protecting" myself. And making it look like a mere brushing off. It would probably be a wrist fracture, possibly a dislocated shoulder.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:06, closed)

Ah!
So that's a yes then :)
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 16 Nov 2010, 8:59, closed)

break the wrist and walk away.

( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 15:25, closed)

Ah
The old Ian Brown approach:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/200016.stm
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 10:11, closed)

It alarms me
that you had to take such evasive actions afterwards.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 23:53, closed)

I didn't have to.
Probably. But I know/have read about how the scientologist gits can make one's life hell if you dare to say a word against them. I suspect this wouldn't be a problem in the sleepy little town in which I live, but even so, better safe than sorry.

I'll be doing it again this year, if anyone wants to join me.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:08, closed)

Yes, he did.
They are spectacularly litigious, and have been known to hound their critics at their homes.

Large, did any of the Scientologists take a photo of you? It's standard procedure in these cases. A photo of you is probably sitting in a file in the Office of Special Affairs as we speak.

Here's a nice anonymous protest report I remember from my days reading alt.religion.scientology (google groups FTW) that mentions the photo stuff.

It can be rather scary.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 10:55, closed)

I've heard that before
so my floppy-brimmed hat was pulled low over my face. That's no guarantee of course, but I suspect the absence of 35lbs of "energy box" around my midriff, a clean-shaved and clear-skinned complexion (where it used to be full grey-bearded), and an all over #2 (where it used to be just-longer-than-RAF-approved) will put them off the scent.

Of course, I live in the US, the land of the over-armed. And in a state which has a "must issue" policy. For those of you in Blighty, this means that because I have no felony convictions (or misdemeanours, though I don't think they count), all I have to do is present myself to the local Sheriff's department, and they must issue me a permit to carry a concealed weapon. MUST issue.

And the choice is really rather large. I'm partial to the Sig Sauer P220, and some of the smaller Glocks.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 4:53, closed)

Gulp
That's just mind-boggling for us Brits, for whom sparklers now require 17-page risk assessment form and a 2-week pre-approval period.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 13:37, closed)

That's all well and good, but you're messing with Top Gun here.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 8:59, closed)

And with grease
Danny Zuko won't be happy
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 9:04, closed)

And with Beck
And you DON'T want to fuck with Beck...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 10:12, closed)

"He's a loser baby"
So why don't we kill him?

Two turntables and a microphone indeed!
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 4:53, closed)

I am quite partial to Scientology bashing; quite frankly that particular cult deserves everything it gets
Click from me.
(anvil, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 13:19, closed)

Dangerous
Last time I ignored one, Xenu touched my willy whilst screaming 'nanu nanu' :(
(FunOnABun Smears lard on you!, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 13:45, closed)

Well done you..
Im absolutely fascinated by Scientology. Other than the fact a load of clearly delusional Hollywood types succumb to its lure of rubbing shoulders with the Cruister, I can't understand why anyone would want to join it. I mean, theres plenty of religions to join if people want to have guidance and whatnot, but Scientology?

Did you hear that Nancy Cartwright who voices Bart Simpson donated $10 million dollars to them! TEN MILLION!! It makes me sick to think about where else that money could have been used.

Its so clearly mental. Im really tempted to "join up" so I can see what its all about. If I wasnt worried they'd brainwash and bankrupt me.
(Burt Burt, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:16, closed)