House Arrest
Most of these stories follow a similar theme - "oh look at the list of places I've allegedly had sex in" and/or "this one time I almost got caught boldly having sex somewhere I shouldn't" and the like.

This is the story of my friend we shall call Chris (for that is his name), the living example of when these stories go wrong - and not in the charming "oh, you got us copper!" vein, but in the "my life is ruined forever" sort of way.

Three years ago, Chris had sex with his girlfriend in a parking lot. It was still technically day, but it was getting dark, and it was a seldom used lot. Imagine their surprise when a little old lady passes by, nearly faints in shock and calls the police who, unfortunately, were quite nearby.

Now imagine their surprise when Chris was put under 1 year's house arrest, declared a sex offender, struck with probation that included a 10pm curfew, weekly sexual deviant meetings with actual rapists and pedophiles, and restrictions on drinking, sex, masturbation, and even being within 100 yards of anywhere anyone under the age of 18 would likely be, all with semi-annual polygraph (lie detector) tests, for the next four years.

Turns out the judge was another old lady whose daughter had been "severely disturbed and distraught" by a close encounter with a football game streaker (as in having seen him from 50 yards) and was keen on keeping these dangerous sex pests off the streets and away from children.

Which is a bit unfair, considering he was having consensual sex between two adults and had a spotless record.

He's gone through several lawyers trying to get this overturned - but it's been years already, and his probation is up in less than a year, so getting anything changed at this point is rather moot. Still, he had to spend four years (prime years at that, 18-22!) being completely unable to enjoy the very things that life is about - sex, alcohol and self abuse.

Poor bastard.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:53, 13 replies)

You live in Utah though don't you?
(username1, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:58, closed)

How do they check on the masturbation?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:04, closed)

I suspect the polygraph
Or measuring your forearms regularly.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:06, closed)

Land of the Free?
It's worrying that this sort of sentencing goes on. I'm all for the creative nature of the punishments that we hear are often given in the US, but I suppose it has it's flip-side.

This couldn't happen in the UK, for several reasons, but it's still rather disturbing to hear such a miscarriage of justice.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:05, closed)

Why couldn't it happen in the UK?
Someone gets caught having sex, ends up on sex offenders register. Sounds like it could happen over here.

Except isn't that for life (probably even if it's overturned, nowadays...)?
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:40, closed)

For life
and public urination, if they don't like you, becomes indecent exposure and bingo you're on there with the child-snatchers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 20:53, closed)

Degrees
I suppose I can't really disagree with harsh punishment of sex offenders, but I would have to argue with the degree to which you can be considered a sex offender.

I had a roommate who had to post letters to the neighbors because when he turned in his computer to be repaired, his tech turned him in for having girls who looked under 18. They didn't have a website mark or proof of age, so he was screwed. I'd put money on 90% of the people reading this having at least one picture of a girl without her ID in hand...

www.familywatchdog.us/ has a tool where you can look up sex offenders on a map by zip code/town. Pick Austin, Texas, and you'll see the town colored red - and we're low as far as most cities go. Now do you really think each one of those is a convicted kiddy-fiddler? Or is it more likely they just got caught by circumstance and lined up against the wall to be shot, their lives ruined?

Bullshit I tell you.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 21:58, closed)

How they check
Like you guessed, they use the polygraph, which is bullshit since there have been numerous studies proving it's uselessness.

I neglected to mention it above, but as part of his probation (verified by polygraph) he basically can't break any law, ever - can't speed, can't download software, can't even watch movies he strongly suspects are illegally copied.

He hung out at our hookah bar a lot - it was pretty safe, as you had to be 18 to enter.

I'd also like to mention he (and I) are proud citizens of the French Republic of Left Texas - also known as Austin, for those in the know. It's about as liberal as you can get (without being too insane - we're not california), and a right awesome town.

He just got a shit judge, and even worse luck.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:24, closed)

what about the girlfriend?
Did she get away with it totally or get similar treatment?
(deadly_sinners, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 16:46, closed)

Got away with it.
Fucking unfair, isn't it? Not a mark on her record.

I should also probably mention that as a sex offender (at least in Texas, although I think it's national by now) you have to send letters to all your neighbors whenever you move into a neighborhood. For the rest of your life. Nice way to get to know a new town, right?
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 17:16, closed)

That, my freinds, is fucked up...
Couldn't he have demanded a second judge or a retrial?

No, I don't think that it could happen in the UK. For all of it's Daily Mail hideousness, democracy in the UK (by and large) works.

We have the right of appeal and the right to directly petition the Home Secretary (That's right, you can get a message STRAIGHT to his office). Having said that, Gordy B is slowly eroding our "rights" under a blanket of anti-terror legislation so watch this space.
(Audioduck So, can I haz fucking Cheezburgers or not?, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 17:44, closed)

Enough Merka-bashing, really now
I'd like to reiterate this is a very isolated case - his judge had been old and long-standing, sex offenders (even just technically so - public indecency, etc.) are judged quite harshly (who wants to defend someone in the same category as a kiddy-fiddler?) and he had accepted a sort of decision that gives up the right to appeal in exchange for a lighter sentence - usually.

My goal was to point out how exceptionally unlucky this bastard was, not to bash the (otherwise rather decent) Austin judicial system.
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 17:50, closed)

You're OK, we're not having a go
It wouldn't happen in the UK because judges don't have the powers to impose their own type of sentence. They have a fairly "fixed list" of things they can do. Something we cry about when real sex offenders are only given a light sentence.

The US system has got it's advantages, but also the possibility that this sort of thing happening.

At least your police/legal systems more exciting than ours. Have you seen the car chases on our home-grown Police-Stop-Kill programs??
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 10:40, closed)