Here goes
This was a few years back. Although not too many years. Say about two. Me and the missus of the time were out with a few mates, having a good time. This being in the time before I quit drinking, we were both fairly tipsy. I sauntered off to the bogs to relieve myself of a few pints which had somehow accumulated in my bladder.

Coming back, I stopped off at the bar and procured some more amber nectar for myself and the male friends, and returned to my seat in the corner. The missus leans in close to me, and slurs in my ear, "Ghost, I'm starting to feel a bit dirty..."

Now what I've failed to previously mention is that the missus at the time likes to be licked. Anywhere, it doesn't really matter. It really turns her on. Makes her randy like a rabbit on viagra that hasn't had any for months. So I drunkenly lean in, like I'm kissing her, and instead lick her lips sneakily. She moans a little, causing our mates at the table to laugh and throw a few comments our way.

I lean back, and start to sup on my nearly-forgotten pint, and wait for things to cool down a bit. This does not please the missus, for she wants more and she wants it now. She's also very pissed now, and subtlety has never been her thing. So she plots her revenge very quickly, and walks up to the bar, and shouts out,

"I'll pay anyone a quid to lick me!"

At this point, a few blokes, slightly less pissed, amble up, and tell her in no uncertain terms that they'll lick her. So she gets the money out, and they lick her. She loves this, and moans. And then more people start joining in. I'm transfixed by this sight, too pissed to react in a coherent manner. It was at that point I decided things were over between us.

And that, ladies and gents, is my tale of Pub Licks Ex.

(apologies if bindun. And apologies for shittiness too.)

Click "I Like This" if you think it's really, really bad.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 21:54, 6 replies)

mwhaaawaaa
cur....licks for this:-)
(norfolkngood, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 22:35, closed)

I liked the pun
and I would have clicked if you hadn't asked for it at the end.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 3:33, closed)

I think that's the definition of...
SPANG!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 10:04, closed)

Hmmm
Ask me for clicks and you won't get one.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 13:20, closed)

I was trying to come up with a half-assed story to wrap around that very phrase
so clicky for doing it better than I would have.
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 4:45, closed)

Nice story, but...
Beggar-buggery gets you this many clicks:

0
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 5:24, closed)