the hose beast
i won't bore you with too many details
i dated a girl briefly once. she introduced herself to me by telling me her mate fancied me. after spending all night chatting to her, about said 'mate' she reveals it's actually her. kinda fucked up, but sweet enough i think.

we date for a while. loads sex, loads fun. then it begins.
first she tells me she's pregnant, i freak internally but tell her i'll do what i need to to support her, though from choice, i'd say we're both too young, poor, and not ready to be parents. she then tells me she was lying, she made it up because she really liked me and needed to know how i'd react if something did happen.

a while later, she got mad over nothing, then dumped me. then undumped me the next day. this became a recurring theme, i was too infatuated to say no.

then, one evening, i had some bad news. a friend had been found by this girl i was also good mates with, hanging in his flat. a good guy with a lot of problems. i was gutted. i arid to meet this girl for a drink because i knew they were so close and she was in a bad state.
the girlfriend, let's call her bitch, because invoking her name, even now, nine years later, tends to have, shall we say, repercussions, tells me in no uncertain terms i WILL be back home by nine.
i tell her i'll be back when i'm back and not to push it, today's been hard.
she dumps me again, screams obscenities at me. now i've NEVER been unfaithful, not ever. no reason for jealousy. i just walked out. went to talk about my dead friend. got back, lights out, room trashed to fuck, Bitch gone.

next morning she calls, all apologetic, says i'm not REALLY dumped. i tell her too little too late, if you don't mean things don't say em, we're done.

this prompted the worst six months of my life so far.
started with her telling me she was pregnant. standard.
i asked in light of the earlier situation if she could provide some kind of proof.. doctor's letter, hell, piss on a stick.. nothing. i told her till she did then i was treating it as another lie, but i was prepared to do the right thing if it wasn't.
then began the threatening texts, phone calls. i had to get her number, her mum, sister, brother, friends, workplace's numbers and emails, mobile and landline added to the blacklist so i could actually get work done.
i had to get her barred from the building by security. i had to get them to let me leave via the back entrance, because she'd be waiting for me outside on lunch, after work, attacking me in the street, screaming, crying, screaming for help then telling people i was trying to rape her.
then she started turning up at my house. one time, i came in, found the back door open, and she came at me with a fuckin breadknife screaming like a banshee.
she started telling anyone who would listen i was forcing her to have an abortion against her will. and believe me, it's amazing the amount who will listen if you're a new face on the scene and some girl is sucking their dick while saying how scared she is of you.
threats of violence from her friends, my new and now ex-friends, her family started. her dad and big brother turning up at my house in their car and sitting on the driveway calling me out. she assaulted my landlord, who is NOT someone you fuck with.. i got the flak for it.
one time i remember she was screaming in the back garden, tearing out clumps of her hair, went inside to try and minimise the neighbours getting pissed, and she started smacking her head on the floor, then BING, she went from banshee, to calm, blank eyed space cadet, developed a cockney accent out of nowhere and started going 'we''l be awwight, oi know ya loves me really'
gives me fucking chills.
she started leaving children's toys on the doorstep with notes saying shit like 'this is for our baby, you have to come with me to the clinic'
i did, she didn't turn up.
then when the abortion story ran dry, she changed tack. started telling everyone i'd got her HIV positive. finally, i reached a point where i had nowhere to run. i knew she had enough on me cos of my drug related activities i couldn't go to the police, so i moved house, job and social circle to get away.
it took three years before i could go out in reading again without fear, and even then she'd corner anyone i was with and harangue them with tales of how i was a rapist, had aids, beat her, anything and everything would fall out of that cunt's mouth like poison.
years later, and i mean years, maybe 8, i ran into another guy who'd been my predecessor. he had to get a restraining order against her. found out she went to a luxury holiday camp for a bit, the kind that pads the walls and everything is on room service.

about a year and a half back, i went for a job interview, aced it, got told i would be hearing back very son, saw her in the lobby on the way out.. an hour later i get a call, i'm not technically able enough. really? i told the fuckin interviewer something she didn't know. i KNOW it was her.

i'm withholding her name not to protect her, but to protect me. she's a bit lawyer-happy for someone who's a walking harassment suit, as i found to my cost when i retold a story like this to someone i thought i could trust not that many years back.

overall it taught me valuable lessons about trusting people, and self preservation.
reading. it breeds crazy bitches, and to them, i'm like a fluorescent light to a moth.

apologies for length. it's not funny either. bad times.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:12, 21 replies)

Jesus titty-fucking christ.
Usually when I read stories like these, i'm thinking, (like watching a bad horror film) 'that was a stupid idea', or 'MTFU'.

But it seems you did what any rational, intelligent person would do, which makes her wall-munching craziness even scarier.

My condolences on having to deal with that bitch.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:25, closed)

I THINK i was too nice
i think if i'd just been like 'fuck off' and cut all contact it would have been quicker, if no less bloody.
the alarming thing was before this all kicked off, she was to all intents and purposes normal, if a little insecure.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:27, closed)

Jesus
You can't half pick 'em.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:27, closed)

Wow.
This should "win".

Because it's good. Not good, but it's good.

Jesus. Hope you're OK now.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:27, closed)

Wow, you're really selling Reading with these stories!
I can see why you're moving.

Welcome to Brighton, you'll love it here!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:29, closed)

TBH
Reading isn't that bad at all. Trust me it used to be, very, very bad. It only had one nightclub called the Majestic, we are probably talking late 80's here but can you imagine, goths, rockers, mods, punks and beat boys all being in the same club, it used to get a bit punchy. It can still be violent but for totally different reasons. My mate just got a 2 grand pay out for being kicked un-concious by about ten guys (fair huh?) but it's extremely affluent, which is why I am here at the moment. Brightons definately richer for culture and quite a few other things though, so fill ya boots!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:09, closed)

oh i'm fine now
i have one of the most amazing women i've ever met as a girlfriend, a good circle of mates, a nice job, life's a beach. i was 19 when this happened, and still wet behind the ears. took me a while to trust people for sure. i'd probably have handled it better if i wasn't smashed out of my skull on class a's half the time.. not so much that i lost my sense of right and wrong, and i'm only ever a wanker to myself, high or not.
yeah reading is a dive. my mates are the only thing that kept me here, and now they're upwardly mobile enough to afford brighton on weekends, i'm the fuck out of here.


moon monkey- you in brighton then? whereabouts? i'm movin in next to the skatepark with my better half in about two weeks.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:40, closed)

Gaz'd

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:58, closed)

Zounds!
Clickety click.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:50, closed)

I knew a girl from Twyford once
Bit of a nutter, but more 4th division really.
I've never really understand those friends that suddenly start believing the outrageous claims from the nutter/girlfriend.
"He used to cut off my head with a chainsaw EVERY friday night!"
Sure as damnit they'd look at you in that way....
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:53, closed)

well, they were new 'friends'
more regular social contacts than mates, i was new in town. and i wasn't sucking on their cock. the bit that baffled me was one fella in particular who was fuckin her, totally getting rinsed, threatening to beat me up, and i was like ok, so you think i've got her preggers AND given her aids, and she's obsessing about me day and night, so you're tapping that? you must be fuckin delusional.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:01, closed)

Pint of Bonkers all round
by the look of it.
Hell of a learning experience though.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:58, closed)

Holy fuck-pig Batman!
Clicks for you for still being alive!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:56, closed)

Bloody hell
A bit speechless, have a click
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:07, closed)

Eeeeeeeee
It never fails to shock when you meet someone who really is able to switch off their not-being-a-knob-o-meter to such a degree. Kudos on getting past it bigun.
(Gertcha_cowson NAH MATE, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:23, closed)

its not the light moths are attracted to, rather the darkest point, which is directly behind the light, common mistake though. no offence.
also, fuck me , what a nutter, I'll be posting my story of woe later on when I get two minutes to myself.
Possibly comparible, but I think you just edge it.
(Unstable-Dan looks like that bloke out of Scream, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:48, closed)

you are a fucking psycho magnet!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:58, closed)

Nice one Pete
It seems you weren't joking when you said you had a better GF nutter story!!! The bit I liked, I re-phrase that, the bit that scared me was the 'we''l be awwight, oi know ya loves me really' . Fuck me!

Be careful in Brighton mate, they have their fair share of nutters as well but with your expereince I hope you see them coming!

Have another *click* for your troubles
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:01, closed)

thankfully the position of girlfriend in chief is full
mine's a keeper. plus, my nutter filter is fortified.. it's like the chuck norris of twat filters.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:19, closed)

HAHA!!!

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 9:23, closed)

tl;dr

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 8:16, closed)