Karmic retribution
'Twas my first job.

I was 15 and eager to impress. My place of employment was the local delicatessan - it sold really nice sandwiches, soups, pastries and was patronised by the local office workers who didn't mind shelling out a few extra quid for a decent lunch.

The man who interviewed me owned the shop. A nice but dim ex-policeman from the arsehole of the bog-counties. On my first day, I was handed a large box of tomatoes to slice and arrange in bowls for the lunch time rush.

I was led into the back kitchen where his absolutely repulsive, morbidly obsese wife sat grilling sausages and bacon - eating as she went along, the fat dribbling down her chin. She had filthy, greasy hair that stuck to her pasty, spot speckled skin. I understood immediately why she was not allowed out near the customers.

Anyway, undaunted I decided to be the best, fastest tomato chopper in the world. I started slicing with speed and determination. I was about half way through the giant box when I sliced my finger. The blood went all over the newly sliced tomatoes. Unable to admit that we'd have to chuck them all out and have not enough tomatoes to cover the lunch rush, I ran them quickly under the tap and brought them out.

I still feel bad about it 10 years later but the universe has had its revenge, because I haven't been able to order tomatoes on anything since.....:-(

Apologies for length but I've heard a rumour that you make allowances for virgins around these parts......
(littlemissmischievous, Tue 25 Jul 2006, 14:21, Reply)