Tescos- "Every little helps". How ironic.
I turn into a gasping, weeping, shrieking mess when someone even just stumbles over slightly, but the closest I've ever come to shitting myself laughing at someone else's misfortune is back around three years now, when we took a family trip to Tesco. My gran, aunty, her two kids and I were making our way back to Chesterfield (Shit hole) after spending the weekend in Lincoln.

We'd stopped off in Tesco's, and my smallest cousin was sat in those stupid, uncomfortable child seats at the front of the trolley that my gran was pushing. Bit of a tangent now, my gran's like the nicest woman in the world. She'd take Josef Fritzl in and call him a "nice, misunderstood man" if the chance ever came around. This is why what happened was so brilliant. Being pushed about backwards, my tiny little terror of a cousin looks over my gran's shoulder and sees someone with dwarfism going down the same isle, walking straight in front of her mum. What does any little kid do when they see someone slightly different for the first time? They point and laugh, which is exactly what my cousin did. She got the whole of the isle staring at her whilst she outstretched her chubby little arm and screamed at the top of her lungs "LOOK AT THAT STUPID SMALL WOMAN! HAHAHA! LOOK AT THOSE SILLY LEGS!".

Now my gran may be nice but she's also thick. She sees my cousin doing this, and turns round. Doesn't see the victim of my cousin's verbal tirade, just my aunty Vicky. Afterwards, when I endured the most awkward car ride of my life, my gran INSISTED she thought my cousin was laughing at her. I could of guessed that, but the horrified members of the public that witnessed it didn't. Neither did the woman with dwarfism. All they saw was my gran, grinning like a twat, point her hand straight in the direction of the dwarf and shouting "Hahahaha! Why did they let her out the house! What a fool!".

Tesco's, the fucking whole of Tesco's, went deadly silent. I think some man might've dropped his eggs he was that shocked. My aunty actually covered her face. And I think that was when my gran realised she'd just brutally mocked a disabled person without even meaning to.

She felt terrible; it was all she talked about for ages.
Fucking funny though.
(SpamHammer thinks the world will end on, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 21:08, Reply)