Karma Police
The M69. You'd think from being numerically blessed with the most mutually generous of sexual positions, it would be a motorway that couldn't fail to take you to a happy place. Well, you'd be wrong - in one direction it takes you to Leicester, and in the other it takes you to Coventry.

I can only imagine that when the motorway was first opened, the inhabitants of both cities flocked onto it, desperate to escape for a better life elsewhere, only to end up bitterly disappointed at the other end. It's the road that proves that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Anyhow, the one benefit of having a road with no enticing destinations is that it's usually quite traffic-free, allowing for some speedy East-West Midlands migration.

Usually, that is, except for the one day you want to get somewhere. Back when I worked in Birmingham, one day I needed urgently to get to a client in Leicester (why the fuck anyone would urgently need to get to Leicester is unfortunately lost in the haze of time now). I was therefore disappointed to see queues of traffic as I joined the M69. I can only assume the "M" on the sign was obscured, and everyone was blindly following a promise of mutual oral satisfaction.

Evenutally, the traffic changed from a total standstill to gradual movement. This should have improved things, but it actually just played into the hands of the true cunts of the motorway - lane-weavers.

You know the sort - the dicks who believe that their journey has higher priority over those of everyone around them, and so will happily cut you up with inches to spare, in order to get them to their destination two seconds earlier. I'm sure there's a special place in hell reserved for them, just between people who ruin the endings of films you haven't seen yet and whoever was responsible for commissioning Horne & Corden.

After about five of these twunts had swerved across the front of me, getting closer and closer to the bumper of my car, I was starting to get a bit pissed off, so when the traffic started to pick up pace, I was happily thinking it was over. At this point, a sixth fuckstick hove into view, seemingly from nowhere, causing me to hit the brakes and give him a blast on the horn.

Had I realised that said fuckstick was an undercover policeman, I probably wouldn't have been quite as vociferous in my reaction. I didn't realise, however, until he pulled across into the next lane, slowed down until I was level with him, and then showed me his warrant card and beckoned towards the hard shoulder with a look of pure smug satisfaction on his face.

Thankfully, that look was quickly wiped off his face. Whilst concentrating on searching for his warrant card and looking smugly sideways, he failed to notice that the traffic in his lane had come to a stop, and he casually drove slowly into the car in front of him.

Laugh? I almost shat a kidney.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 10:46, 7 replies)

Have a click
Nice one!
( Vambo, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:04, closed)

After sliding on my arse down Euston Road this morning due to the fucking ice
I needed a pick me up. Cheers, you have picked me up... (not in a gay way, mind). Click!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 11:41, closed)

Two clicks for you
One for the "nearly shat a kidney" line and the other for "I'm sure there's a special place in hell reserved for them, just between people who ruin the endings of films you haven't seen yet and whoever was responsible for commissioning Horne & Corden."

Bravo.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:30, closed)

Although a good story
I'm not convinced this is all true... as an (ex Military) policeman, I'm fairy sure that you're not within jurisdiction to pull over the average motorist for doing something wrong, I thought you had to either be in uniform or a un/marked car. I could be wrong as civvy law is different to military but just mentioning it.

Still made me laugh though and a click too.
(Kip, Sat 19 Dec 2009, 15:27, closed)

I've been pulled over
By an off duty copper.

He couldn't give me a ticket, though. Just thought I was being a bit too fast for my own good.
(Scritty Bakerman., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 8:57, closed)

Beautifully Written!
*clicks over-exertedly*
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Sun 20 Dec 2009, 10:14, closed)

lolclick
I'm hugely familiar with the M69 since I live in Coventry and my inlaws live in Leicester.
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Wed 23 Dec 2009, 11:33, closed)