Not exactly the Harlem Globetrotters
Ah the best days of your life eh?

A stage for piss take and brutality more like.

I digress. My tale centres around one P Learmonth, erstwhile Maths teacher and P.E dept leech, who would offer to help the staff out with lunch time activity clubs, even though he was about as useful as a homosexual with hemorrhoids.

I was roped in (peer pressure - sad sheep like fool that I was) to appear at the basketball club - nothing to do with my 6ft 3 gangly frame I presume! which our hero presided over.

Bedecked in bright red track suit, 2 striped Adidas Winfield (RIP Woolworths) with those hoops at the bottom of the legs. Top always unzipped as I am sure it could not contain the girth of the man, trying to restore order to a circus of 16 year olds launching basketballs to all 4 corners of the gym hall. After much bellowing and collar grabbing he had whittled down the unruly mob to just my mate Alan & my good self. He was however at the opposite end of the hall and decided to take a couple of paces towards us and hurl his own basketball in our direction. Easily avoided by your 2 anti heroes by easing our heads to the side to allow the projectile to carry on in its way. At this point however, the gods of good fortune completely abandoned Learmonth as the rector (Scots term for head teacher) appeared; holding the door open for the latest visiting dignitary - None other than the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland (wow what a feckin title), who yes got a face full of orange synthetic missile. Enough to not only knock him to the floor but also to induce a torrent of claret from his unprotected hooter.

Cue dying fly frenzy from the collective youth.

Post script - Fair play to the messenger of God, he took it in good spirit, but alas this proved to be Learmonth's swansong and never again did he darken the P.E dept of a lunchtime.

Length?
(Said Debt, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:41, 1 reply)

homo
I thought a homosexual with hemorrhoids was just ribbed for extra pleasure
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 11:38, closed)